Temptation

Chapter 41

*Alice's POV*

Complicated...

Complicated is when you don't know where you stand in someone's life.

Complicated is when you're more then friends with someone, but at the same time, you're more like lovers, but you're really not.

Its when you wish you had never met that person, but at the same time you thank God your paths have crossed.

Thats complicated...

Even though he loved me and I loved him, it wasn't that simple. I don't know why I'm so surprised, because it never has been.

I don't know when my life became so hilariously messed up. I never thought my life would come to something so difficult. I thought that the day I said, "I love you," to someone. It would be my boyfriend, of many years, and we would be madly, deeply in love. We would be in college, sorting out our lives together. I had it all planed in my mind. But as soon as I met Cameron, my life changed completely.

As soon as we admitted our feelings for each other, I thought it would just be easy from here. I thought we were over the hard part and we could just move forward, focusing in ourselves. But boy was I wrong... He's denying us in front of his friends, keeping secrets, not being able to open up to me.... And I can't help but think that there is something else I'm missing here, but I don't know what...

I don't have certainty with him, I always have to be wondering what he's thinking or I have to be second guessing our relationship. No matter how much he's said he loves me, it doesn't mean anything if he doesn't really show it. There are so many secrets, so many thing I need to know in order to move forward....

It's been a couple of days since I last spoke to him. He calls multiple time a day, leaves several voicemails, all in which he apologizes for his behavior. But he hasn't actually tried looking for me, and I don't know if he's ignoring me, or just giving me my space, like I asked him to. Theres no explanation, I just needed time to myself. I needed a break from all of the craziness, going on in my life. I needed to take a breather, and clear my mind. Being apart from Cameron these past days has helped me do that.

Today is Tuesday, the day of the races and I haven't made my mind up if I should go or not. I know that if I go, its like we would be taking a step back in our "relationship" and I want to move forward. But I need answers, I need to know more about him... Ugh... why must this be so freaking difficult?

My clouded thoughts and I walk downstairs, to find Jenny sitting in the counter drinking her usual cup of coffee, her eyes glued to her phone screen.

"Morning," I greet her as I walk towards the Keurig. I need coffee if I want to carry on with my day. Im majorly sleep deprived.

"Well look who decided to get out of bed this morning." Jenny smirks, making me roll my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I ask completely intrigued by the facial expressions she does to her phone.

"I'm texting Carter." She shrugs finally looking up to meet my gaze.

Carter and Jenny were now exclusive, for nearly two weeks now. She hasn't stopped talking about it ever since, which can be a little annoying but I'm happy she's happy.

"Of course you are." I giggle, as I reach over and grab my messy mop of bed hair and pull it up into a messy bun.

"How are you holding up today?" She frowns looking into my eyes.

I finally had time to catch Jenny up on all of the craziness thats happened recently. And Im beyond glad I did, it was good to have someone listen, and to get advice from someones who's actually 'experienced'.