Temptation

Chapter 54

I was a walking silhouette, roaming the streets without a destination and without any strength to look for one.

So I drove. I drove to the only place I knew.

I ran towards the beach. The sun was coming up now and no one was near--not that I expected anyone to be at the beach at 5:30 in the morning anyway.

I quickly kicked off my sandals, stepping into the sand.

The sand was silky soft against my bare feet, and when my toes wiggled and buried themselves into it, my heart warmed. I had missed this feeling. I rapidly set my bag down and I started stripping out of my clothes, leaving a pattern on my way to the waves.

I didn't bother looking at my surroundings, if anyone was watching, if anyone was near, I didn't care. This moment was mine.

As soon as my toes touched the refreshing ocean water again, I felt...free. I ran. I ran as fast as I could to the waves. I wanted to feel that electricity of freedom all over my body. I wanted to feel alive. So I ran and I swam my way to the deepest part I possibly could.

The waves crashed into my body as if I were weightless, a floating body in the water. They pushed me to their desire, leading me anywhere. And I didn't fight it.

The ocean seemed endless.

I held my breath and tucked my head under water. My eyes darted open but I couldn't see much but flooding seaweeds and air bubbles. Electricity rushed though my body again and I began swimming, letting my arms lead the way now.

When I came back to breathe, I was far away from shore. But that's how I wanted to be. I wanted be be as far as possible from the world, from my problems.

A wave crashed against my body, but this time a wave of freedom and relief. I swam further, keeping my head under water. I wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at once and I felt like I was going mad. I screamed as loud as I possibly could under water so no one could her me. When my head came up for air again, I screamed louder. I screamed and I cried. My tears were fast and uncontrollable.

I had been numb to all of these emotions. I bottled them up inside of me and they were now just exploding. In the worst possible way.

I tucked my head under water again and I continued swimming, as I held my breath. I wanted to test my strength. I wanted to know how far I could go, how strong my flesh was. I wanted to somehow let myself know that I was strong enough to face this reality. I wanted to feel something, some sort of emotion.

But I couldn't.

When I came back up for air, I inhaled the hot humidity in the air.

My heart ached. I was still numb.

I went under water again.

I held my breath until I felt my lungs twitch inside of me. I felt my heartbeat slow drastically, begging for air.

I must've been underwater for nearly a minute. But I could do better, I could last longer!

I stayed put as thoughts and fears rushed through my mind. A part of me yelled, "this is the beginning of the end." Like if my mind was trying to tell me something I had yet to discover. I had a feeling in my stomach that something was gonna happen, something that would break me. And I couldn't bare the thought. Soon my head started spinning and I felt like my lungs were on the verge of bursting. I was loosing it. I tried coming back up for air but the ocean betrayed me. Larger waves clashes my body, throwing me around in the ocean. I wasn't strong enough to come back up. I wasn't strong enough to fight it either. When I opened my eyes again I couldn't see anything.