A Trophy Father's Trophy... Daughter

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Kellin's POV

I woke up with Hunter still asleep on my lap. I think this was the first night that she had slept soundly through the night without nightmares. It made me feel so great. I looked out the window and saw that it was well into the morning. I yawned, and Hunter began to stir. She was so cute. I loved the way her nose crinkled when she yawned and stretched. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at me. She closed her eyes again and rolled over on her stomach.

"What time is it Kellin?" She groaned. 

"I don't know, I think it's around 10:30. It seems like everyone is awake except for Jesse. He's still asleep over there." I pointed across to Jesse sprawled out over the bed with his arm hanging over and his mouth wide open, snoring, and drooling a little. Come on dude... Ew. I thought to myself. But Jesse never cared about how people saw him.  As far as anyone was concerned, he was an open book. But that's why everyone liked him like a big brother. 

"Ugh okay. I guess I should get a shower. I feel gross." She chuckled as she got up and walked to the bathroom. I watched her walk away. Her hair was all in knots and her shirt and pants were wrinkled. She walked slowly and swayed a little seeming like she would just fall over and sleep on the floor.

I think today will be the day. The day that I ask Hunter if she wants to be with me. The day that I tell her how much I care about her and ever since I saw her I knew I wanted her to be mine. The day I'd hopefully hold her in my arms and being able to call her mine for the first time. 

I started thinking about my sister... I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was 8 years old, and it a sunny spring day. My mom and dad were getting alone for once, and my sister and I were playing on the swings outside. We were trying to see who could go the highest. Mommy and Daddy walked out and Daddy had his arm around her. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. 

"That's what you do when you're married. You kiss and hug and all that icky stuff!" She said sticking her tounge out. "One day, when you get married, you'll be getting married to a pretty girl. She'll be in a long, white dress and you'll be in a tuxedo." I remembered making a face at that because I hated wearing tuxedos. They were so uncomfortable to me then and I could barely move, let alone play while wearing them. "You'll be standing up there watching her walk down the isle to you. But don't worry. You won't be alone up there! I'll be standing right next to you! I won't let you be scared alone up there. I won't leave you Kellin." She smiled at me and I smiled back at her, thinking I had the best big sister ever.

She jumped off the swing and landed on her feet. I always wished I could do that, but every time I tried I'd always fall. I remember her always watching me, trying to tell me how to do it, and then laughing when I fell. But not the mean kind of laugh, like she was laughing with me, not at me. Like, an encouraging laugh. She's reach her hand out to help me up, and I'd climb back on the swing and try again. 

But she won't be next to me in my wedding. She did leave me alone. I was so scared and alone when she was gone. 

What if Hunter and I worked out? What if later on, I proposed? What if she said yes, and on the day of our wedding, I'd see her walking down the isle in a long, white dress looking so beautiful? What if I realized how alone I was standing up there, and I just broke down right there? I hadn't cried about my sister for a long time. I cried too much back then. Now, it was just a looming saddness. But it was the worst kind of the saddness. The kind where your tears can't even fall, so you just sit there with a blank expression on your face, letting your thoughts take over your mind. You feel so alone, and you can't do anything about it. You can't even cry to let anything out. They just won't fall. So you breathe in and out deeply, and just wait for it to pass. But it seems it never does. 

CRASH! CRASH! "KELLIN!!! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Justin was coming from the bathroom where Hunter was, and he was screaming for me. I had never heard him scream like this. I was scared.

"Justin. I'm over here..." I said, wondering what happened.

"What did you do?!? Why?" He was flipping out! His face was red and the vein on the side of his neck was popping out. His fists were balled and you could see the veins and muscles in his arms very, very clearly... His eyes shot at me like daggers. 

"What are you talking about? What do you mean, what did I do?"

"Hunter. What did you do? She's in there, crying. Her leg has a huge gash in it. The razor was on the floor. What. Did. You. Do?"

Hunter cut again? No... I thought she was getting better. She seemed so happy yesterday with me and this morning. She seemed to be feeling better, and didn't even have a nightmare last night. What did I do? I don't think I did anything...

"Dude. I swear. I have no idea. I thought she was feeling better! She didn't have a nightmare last night, and she seemed pretty happy this morning."

"Well yippedy-doo. That doesn't change the fact that she still cut herself. Again. I cannot keep seeing her do this Kellin. I can't."

"Why do you care so much anyway?" 

He didn't answer me. He just unclenched his fists, then clenched them again. He stared into my eyes, and I was afraid. For the first time in my entire time of knowing Justin, I was afraid of him. He stared at me for a second more, and then stomped out the door, slamming it behind him, making one of the guitars that was propped against the wall fall over. I was still trying to piece together everything that had just happened, and it made no sense to me...

Hunter's POV

I woke up in Kellin's arms. He was awake, and looking down at me. He told me it was about 10:30, and I figured I was pretty gross, so I got up to get a shower. 

"Uhhhhh." I shuddered looking at myself in the mirror. My hair was in knots and my clothes were so wrinkled. I had bags under my eyes. I was disgusting. I stared at myself in the mirror for a minute and thought while I waited for the water to heat up. 

 Why does Kellin Quinn like me? Why did he kiss me? Maybe he's just trying to get something out of me, and then will leave me. Maybe he'll cheat on me like Ronan. Maybe he doesn't even want me anyway. I mean, ugh, look at me. I'm hideous. It's horrible.

I was overthinking again... Thinking out these bad scenarios. Like I always did. It always made it worse for me. Then I saw it. Again. 

Hey Hunter. You're looking a bit sad. And a bit ugly. A bit gross.

I know... I'm disgusting.

Yes. You are. Kellin probably doesn't like you. He just had something going on in his mind and he doesn't really want you. No one would ever want you Hunter.

No one will ever want me... No one. Ever.

Exactly. So Hunter, are you there? You feeling sad? Worried? Worthless again? I know how to fix that. You know too.

I know that I know... But... I don't want to.

Don't be stupid. Stupider than you are. Yes you do.

I do...

So take me.

Okay.

So I did. And it felt great. But then, the door opened. Justin. He was staring wide-eyed at me. I just looked back at him. He turned his glance from me, to just above my head. He just stared at the wall. I watched his face get red. There was a vein that popped out of the side of his neck, as well as his arms. His fists started clenching, and he started breathing heavy. I hadn't seen him like this... 

He turned around and hit the wall opposite the bathroom door as he stomped away. He started screaming Kellin's name. I heard Kellin answer, and then Justin screaming at him. Kellin was starting to yell back, but then it was silent. I heard a door slam and something fall. 

Did I cause that.? Of course I did... I make everything bad happen... It's what I do... 

I climbed in the shower. The hot water stung against my cut, but I liked that sting. It was like the icing on my cake. The sting of the water to me cut.