A Trophy Father's Trophy... Daughter

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty One

Kellin's POV

I couldn't believe that Justin just turned around, and walked away. Just like that. He was obviously pissed, but he didn't have to just walk away so rudely. So I just stood there with Jesse, in silence, as we watched him walk away. When he was out of sight, Jesse turned to me, and looked into my eyes, and I felt like he was staring through my soul. 

"I hope you're happy with yourself Kellin."

"What?!? It's not just my fault! Justin is part of this too!" I couldn't believe this. Was he really blaming all of this on me?

"I know." And just like that, he turned around, and walked away towards the bus.

I was left alone. On this stupid dirt road. Alone. Just me and my thoughts. I watched Jesse walk away out of sight, and I sat down on the ground. I looked up into the sky. I ran my hands through my hair, and grabbed a handful, wanting to just pull it all out. Frustrated, my head fell into my hands, and I cried. No, I didn't cry. I sobbed. My hands filled with tears, and I screamed. I screamed and yelled and cried, wishing all of this would just go away. I was tired of it. So tired of it. 

I loved her. So much, I loved her.

Just then, I remembered a saying I had heard a long time ago from my grandmother. I had caught a firefly, and I told her I was going to keep it forever in a jar next to my bed. But she told me that I should let it go and be free. I was devastated, and didn't want to give up my new friend. But she told me, 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.' I was obviously upset, being that I was only 5, but I did as she said, and opened the jar. It flew away into the night sky, and I watched it light up. My grandmother told me that he was saying goodbye that way. 

Maybe I had to let her go. Set her free, and watch her light up. Say goodbye, and know that she's happier that way. But she wasn't a firefly. Far from it. I loved her 100x more than a firefly. So this would be even more difficult. I was having a hard time dealing with this. For a breif second, a thought raced through my mind. It scared me. I couldn't. I wouldn't cut myself. I couldn't. It would make things so much worse, for everyone. I tried to get the thought to leave my mind, but it kept creeping up. Slowly, it was creepingup on me, and it wouldn't leave me alone. I was beginning to get not just afraid anymore. And for the first time, I was terrified of myself.

Hunter's POV

I couldn't sit here anymore. I loved being in Justin's arms, but I knew I had to get up. I couldn't just sit here and watch these guys tear each other to pieces over me. I definately wasn't worth it. 

I lifted myself off his lap and dusted myself off. I sniffed in one more time and sigh. Justin looked up at me from the ground, with a puzzled look.

"We need to talk. All of us." I knew it was time for me to speak up. Overall, this was my decision, right? He looked at me, and got up slowly. I watched him dust himself off, and I began walking back to the bus. I heard his footsteps sulkily following behind me. We walked like this the whole way back to the bus. It was extremely quiet the entire time, both of us having the world on our shoulders it seemed. 

I stepped quietly into the bus, and walked into the main section where everyone was sitting, with Justin behind me. Everyone was there except...

"Where's Kellin?" I asked. I was a bit worried. Where could he possibly be?

"Ummmm, I'm not sure." Jesse said. A concerned look wiped across his face. 

"Well, I need to talk to him. Everyone actually." Seriously, everyone had to be there. 

"I thought he was with you guys." Jack.

"Yea I kind of did too..." Jesse.

"Well then I guess we will have to go look for him. Because this can't wait much longer." I turned quickly and walked back out the door. I heard the guys following behind me. I decided to go back the way we came when Jesse and I came to talk to Justin and Kellin. I was leading the group, and no one seemed to protest, so I continued. 

And then I saw him. He was laying on the ground, in the middle of the dirt road. I couldn't tell if he was either crying, sleeping or... But I wasn't going to chance anything. 

Everything after that seemed to be playing in fast forward and everything was such a blur. I ran over to him, and knelt down next to him. The scene shocked me. What I saw killed me from the inside out. The blood. The ragged rock. The raw flesh cut from him wrists. That sad, blank expression on his lifeless face.I felt dizzy and my head was throbbing. 

I screamed for the guys to call the police, an ambulance, anyone! During all of this, a song played through my mind. But especially one part of the song. Disasterology.

Oh what a waste of a perfectly good, clean wrist.

You were screaming till the police came.

Can we create something beautiful and destroy it?

Nobody knows I dream about it, this is my imagination.

If every living thing dies alone, what am I doing here?

If every living thing dies alone, what am I doing here?

I sobbed hunched over his body, and then heard sirens in the distance. As it pulled up, I watched the medics jump out and pull Kellin onto a stretcher. They loaded him into the back. One of the medics, a short, young girl with red hair and freckles asked me who would be riding in the back with him. No one said anything, so I stepped forward, and climbed onto the back. I watched the rest of the band get into police cars, ready to follow the ambulance to the hospital. The doors slammed shut, and I felt the vehicle jerk, and then speed away. 

The girl was hooking up IV's to Kellin, and she looked up into my eyes for a breif moment, giving me a sad, sympathetic smile, then went back to work on him. She tried as best she could to wrap his wrists up to stop the bleeding. I held his right hand, and looked at his pale face. His hair was covering most of it, so I pushed it gently behind his ears. A few of my tears fell on to his face, and I wiped them away quickly. 

I wished that this was all a joke. A sick, sick joke. That Kellin would open his eyes, and smile and look up at me. That he'd laugh and tell me it was okay. And I'd slap his arm, but then hug him. I wished that the blood was fake, and he drew the scars on his wrists with pen. But I knew he didn't.

I looked out the window as we drove to the hospital. It was raining now. Thunder shook the ambulance, and I winced. My nightmares were continuing to become my reality...