First, it started off with coughing. I was coughing daily. I didn't know what was wrong. My heart felt empty. My eyes would continuously water as I felt something grow my throat.
I saw her smile. I felt my heart weakened my legs felt weak. I felt like I was going to fall then it wasn't just coughing, petals started coming up my throat I started gagging on petals and pulling them out daily and nightly I couldn't sleep all the way through the night I barely got any sleep
I saw her walk with other people and be really flirtatious with everyone but me she treated me like I was her younger sister instead of a friend or a crush even I knew she didn't have feelings for me I knew she didn't have feelings for me because of the fact that I'm not her type and she doesn't share any romantic feelings with me
It hurts to know that I was the only one loving her when it really should've been her loving me, but then again, she didn't know. I started continuously coughing up more and more rose petals it was getting harder to breathe. Those days went on. I was hospitalized by day 30 this worried my crush and got her attention as much as I didn't want it to. I'm glad that I did.
Her worried eyes kept watching me as I sat in my hospital bed crying and sobbing uncontrollably, throwing up, rose petals she wanted to ask me thousands of questions kinds of questions that sounded like a child would ask, but I know she's just worried about me and wants to know what is wrong but I can't tell her I can't bare to lose our friendship I would rather die then do that.
She smiled at me and she said for the first time "I love you I know I don't say it a lot, but please understand I do I don't wanna lose you" water seem to pull up in my eyes I couldn't take the pressure I finally told her I guess kind of maybe just a little
I told her "I love you, but I don't love you in the same way you love me" I started to cough I was choking I could barely get my confession out then when I finally did her eyes glowed up like stars, she said "I'm sorry but I can't save you and I'm sorry that I'm gonna be the reason that you're dead please understand I didn't mean for this to happen.." Her voice sounded apologetic and in disbelief that she could've save me, but it was too late for me..
I can already feel the flower, rubbing up against my throat. I felt suffocated, but me dying this way, was much more prettier, then dying any other way I know she couldn't see it that way, because of the fact that she was the reason that I died in the first place , but it's not her fault I don't believe it is and I don't want to believe that it is because I would've been healthy and happy if it wasn't for me loving her but hey, it's not her fault she didn't know.
She held my hand and continuously started to cry. She handed me a letter she said in a nervous tone, almost embarrassed " I wrote this to you I never sent it and I understand now that it is useless but still I want you to know before you die that I'm sorry..." her voice sounded almost pitiful. It was sad. My sympathetic mind fell. I took the letter eagerly hoping not to break my heart anymore I started to feel the roots of the flower slowly start to grow into my ribs and tug on every thing that was connected to my heart. it started to hurt to live.
I started reading the letter, slowly reading it, hoping that it wouldn't break my heart into pieces. I struggle to breathe. As I read it to myself it read "dear #### I like you and I think you feel like you're my little sister thank you for always being there. I wanted to tell you that I got a boyfriend and that he makes me really happy. I hope you're happy for me and I hope you can understand that I still will make time for you. Love ####"
I felt even more betrayed than when I started. Her boyfriend never walked into my hospital room. Thank God I didn't want him to be there while I died she started to cry alone then, suddenly I felt weightless. I feel like all of my worries are gone All of my pain is disintegrated , I feel at peace for once in my life I smile and tell her "there's nothing you can do to help me." I feel like it's better to die alone at this point because the person that I fell in love with doesn't it even care that I'm dying anymore or that's what it feels like
I say my last goodbyes with the last bit of air that I have left. Finally, I start coughing blood the flower blocks my airway I lose consciousness and soon I'm dead. I started watching the time on the clock tick by as I lose focus in my eyes, I'm coming in and out of consciousness by this point , it doesn't scare me I know I'm gonna die I mean I know I'm gonna die I felt peaceful instead of guilty or anything.
Then, finally, I took my last breath my monitor for my heart started to beep very rapidly, signaling that my heart had stopped instead of losing all consciousness, I can still feel the stem slowly growing down into my stomach. I felt the thorns on the rose start to prick my intestines, it kind of hurt I guess I really couldn't feel. I started to shut my eyes and dream that me and her actually made it together that me and her ended up together.
The doctor warned her that I wouldn't make it and it was true I didn't. The doctor did everything they could to revive me, but the flower had grown too much. My body was taken over by roots, starting from the bottom of my torso into my stomach cavity. My ribs were broken due to the fact that roots grown around them, and tore them apart, as the stem started to grow downwards.
She said her final goodbye to me, and then everything went dark. I knew I was dead, but I didn't know I'd be this cold, and alone I mean death isn't really something you would do together it's the one thing you do alone in life it's the last thing you do, but I was in high school when I died and Hanahankis disease is the reason I died. All thanks to loving some girl that didn't even love me back and the strange thing is me and her used to date. I kind of wish I never fall in love with her because I wouldn't have died.
"I love you" she said as she left my hospital room she was crying. I could tell her voice was shaky and off pitch. I felt sad but at the same time free. Tears were stained on my face from crying so much.
Finally free.
𝓕𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓼
