I walked alone as I found myself searching for something other than people I see how others can mend themselves together as we turn into clay. Your facial expressions are bare as the ball doesn't change it shape.
You're my only best friend ball of clay I tend to scalp you to somebody I would love, but yet you don't turn into anything I tried my hardest to make you look like something, but nothing ever changes your facial expression doesn't say anything it's so bare and blunt. It doesn't make me happy . I tend to cry when I see your face because your eyes don't match anything they're too big and bulky well your mouth is too small. Barely a dot your nose is oddly almost not there.
It's too hard to look at you I cry every time I do I feel uncomfortable in your presence yet you don't seem to realize that I'm there I don't feel like I'm not real. I feel like a toy sitting on a toy shelf hoping to get picked by one child or something to be someone's first choice. I hate how you made me feel this way , maybe the ball of clay is too hard to touch. I've tried water to soften it, but nothing seems to work your hardened your heart is to hard, it hurts to see you like this. The cracks are too deep. Your walls are too high. I can't climb them. They're too steep.
My nails almost come off my finger beds I feel like I'm going to kill myself to try to climb up and meet you. Your smile is too bright. I blind myself in your glory. Blood stains my clothes as I try to wipe all of the dried blood off my hands so I can climb your towers steep sides, your reply time is too long. I've tried everything to get you. I've tried songs I've tried music the clock isn't ticking fast enough I am losing time. I am not going to be here For when you wake.
You giggle at my persistence of trying to meet you you don't seem to care that my hands are bleeding, and that my legs are trembling as I am so tired that I can barely climb up the hill, your steps keep getting steeper and steeper the climb gets getting harder and harder My lungs are getting squeezed as we speak. The air is so thin that I can only weep it hurts to cry, but it's the only thing I can do I almost fall knowing how steep you can be. You're feelings are hard as rock they don't seem to care about me. Your heart is closed off as I try to get to get more time to hear your words but they are dry and almost not mended I try to realign the time that we have spent. I hope that I can be with you one day with the smile on my face, but your truth is not the one I face
Your book closes and so does your mouth you seem to tell me compliments that don't come out it's silent it's like you're on mute. I try to turn up the volume but nothing works. Your smile fades your words almost come out, but nothing ever does. I sit there hoping you talk but you talk to a person behind me that looks like me just isn't me I'm not really hearing either of you. I'm sitting in a room , all by myself, the lights are off, the bed is shallow, It sits on the floor as they don't allow me to have a bedframe due to the fact that they think I'm going to hurt myself.
They don't give me lights because I broke the last lights I ever had. I look at the clock. It's been three in the morning for five hours. I don't know where I am or where I was before I don't know who I am, or who I was before my name seems foreign as I try to say it. The words don't come out of my mouth. It seems I'm speaking another language. I don't understand what I'm saying. I try to get myself to speak words but the words only come out in weeps.
Immersible songs play as the radio is invisible. I don't see anything the room is too dark yet almost too bright my eyes feel like their crying as I don't like the light, but there is no lightbulbs in my room. There's no lights at all. I don't know where the light is coming from. I don't have windows either. This doesn't feel like home this isn't the house at all. This is a room the door is locked. I cannot open it. I tried to walk. I can only crawl as I can't see.
My hair is matted as I haven't been able to brush it for weeks, I tend to not sleep. My eyebags are so deep that my skin looks sickly and pale I feel like I'm going insane. I hear voices all around me telling me that I'm going to live telling me I'm going to escape , my head is too far on those thoughts I can't seem to hear anyone else's voice, except for the voices that are here at night, but I can't see the bodies. They're like trees as they swish around as I walk in the forest the snow is cold. My feet can't feel it though.
I feel so warm as I walk down the cold road by myself no one seems to know where I am or who I am a person calls my name but I don't know if they're actually talking to me. I don't turn around. I continue walking another voice calls for me in the same direction that I am walking. I immediately turned around, hoping to not hear the voice again. It is so eerily familiar that I don't remember who used to call me a certain name...my name I don't know who they are or who they think they are but they're not my family I don't have one they were gone long time ago when they dropped me off. I don't know where they went. I've been walking for years. My hair is matted as my eyes flood, with dry tears.
No one seems to wipe my tears except for myself I continue to walk by myself all alone shivering in the cold yet I can't feel it my body just mentally responds and think will I think it's cold so my body can shiver. I talk to myself a lot and I am my closest best friend I can't seem to know if this pain is ever going to end The pain of not knowing who I am the pain of knowing that the cold will never actually be there the pain of knowing that I am actually not real. I am just a character in a game that you seem to control. Your controller is broken though I control you instead of me, I continue to walk through the woods as you try to make me go left I don't turn the quest is still going on and you finally turn off the consul and I die a happy slow death. I thank you for turning off my suffering. I hope you never open the game. I hope you break the CD and I hope I go along with it. I hope my name is never spoken. I hope you never yell my name. I hope I am a character that goes unplayed for eternities that I live and die.
𝓘𝓷 𝓪 𝓭𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸𝔀𝓷
