I compare you a lot and I know that sounds toxic and I shouldn't do it at all because you don't deserve that but I don't compare you to anybody but yourself I compare you to what you were and what you are now the past you love seeing me smile, she always would laugh and giggle to make me smile. She always gave me a hug in the morning. She always smiled when I would come and wrap myself in her arms Past, you was like a good cake that you found in the shop and you never wanted to stop eating it so you bought it every day past you loved, kissing me and making me happy past you loved it, deepening the kiss and making it last forever and making sure that it never ended Past, you would've gave up the world for me past you would've broke all of her bones in order to make me happy but I didn't ask that much of you all I asked is that you weren't nonchalant and acted like you weren't with anybody I asked for you to stay loyal, you did that I'm proud, but that is the bare minimum You gave me Princess treatment that's past the bare minimum I'm proud, but it didn't ask so I'm thankful and I appreciate you I give you everything that you've ever wanted
The past you would've given me the world if she could she talked about giving me the moon one day she talked about giving me the sun and putting in my hands she talked about marrying me one day she told me how much she would love to see me in a poofy, white dress, walking down the aisle to finally become hers forever that was the past and that will stay in the past I guess. The past you talked about a house it had two rooms. I remember this so well it was painted white and then the inside was painted beautiful colors. The kitchen was painted a nice brown colors my favorite color, and the babies room was painted a light pink, because you always knew that I was going to have a girl first because that's what I wanted but that was when we were in middle school we don't talk anymore but middle school you wasn't all that good either you changed over a span of grades we were in eighth grade. When you started to change you turn nonchalant you started picking people over me and I get it. I should be used to that because you are friends. You have a life, but it wasn't like the ordinary pick over it was you avoided me on purpose to be with people to not spend time with me to make sure that I knew that I was alone, not sure if you did it to make sure that I still loved you or if you did it just out of spite, but it hurt..me. you...the present you hurt me, she hurt me a lot. I wonder if you know that truly if you knew what she put me through you would've been angry the present you put me through so much from begging for attention to pleading for you to look at me, pleading for a conversation that didn't last five minutes usually conversations between me and you would last 3 to 4 hours almost a day but now they only last five minutes well that's what you give me depending on if you remember to respond you always use the excuse that you didn't see my message I take it and forgive you because I love you and I don't wanna lose you
I wonder if you knew that I was going to stay because the past you would've kicked your ass for doing this shit that you did and for doing the shit that you're doing because she would never treat me like this. She wouldn't break my heart just to make sure that I was going to stay to check if I was going to be there , she held my glass heart so delicately that you could literally not even take it from her. She held my heart so tightly that I could literally feel the vibrations through her hands. I hated that but I loved it because it showed that she cared it showed that she loved me, sometimes I wonder if things were different maybe, just maybe I would've been happier maybe if we just stayed best friends maybe if we just stayed friends for that matter maybe if we just stayed acquaintances, maybe if we just stayed strangers? We would've gotten along.
I kind of look at your book and wonder why did I even open you to read your book is so boring and basic and bland but I feel bad for saying that because your book has so much flavor but I don't wanna look at it because of the fact that you hurt me you really did. I wonder if you realize that your actions made me cry You make me cry you make me angry you make me upset you make me want to cry like a four-year-old hoping to get her way you knew that I was sensitive you knew that so you made sure to hold my heart so tightly that I would never have to worry about losing it That was back then that was in the past when you cared enough and I get It I'm not important person in your life anymore. I don't deserve that treatment but I also don't deserve my heart getting cracked onto the floor like it was nothing like it was meaningless I gave you everything, you make me wanna lose my breath you make me want to rot in a hole for thousands of years but of course of course I don't mean that at least not harshly, but I get it. It's hard to hear that from a girl who you once loved and who was once so sensitive that she couldn't even say, I hate you with a straight face without her tears falling out and making her look hopeless and meaningless to life but I get it I get it I truly do a player like you deserve so much better than to play with a little girl who doesn't do anything but love you for you, but I get it. I'm boring and basic and loving and you don't want that because players don't like that I'm guessing am I right?
Players like play things that they can juggle in their hands, knowing so much more than their pet will ever know I was your favorite toy you played with me daily you made sure that I was wrapped around your finger because you didn't want me to leave did you? You wanted me all to yourself to make sure that you can push my buttons and make me all happy and make me all friendly and make sure that I never left because you wanted me all to yourself Since day one, I'm guessing you made up things about me you told me compliments that didn't even exist. You told me you loved me was that lie? I hope it wasn't because I really loved you. I can't say that I love you anymore because I've grown to hate you I've grown to lose tolerance for your mistreating. I've grown to not love you I've grown to forget what we had which I've done I don't read your letters, I don't read your love notes to be honest if I could burn them in a fire but I don't have any fire wood to start one.
I know the present you could leave me for hours without thinking about me, that's what made it so easy to forget about me...even when I would text you paragraphs and multiple check in messages, that showed how much I cared, I hate how you just let me waste my energy on that. I hate how the present you could do that to me, while the past you would text me every 5 minutes because she couldn't even leave me alone for hours and I loved that because it showed she cared for me.
I hate you now but I love the past you too..
𝓒𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝔀𝓲𝓬𝓮
