caught in his web

Part 26

TW - MENTIONS OF SUICIDE.

Y/N's POV:

It's been two and a half weeks since I had landed Tasha into a coma, I need to to wake up so I can tell her how sorry I am, I would never ever do that. It wasn't me, well.. It was physically but I learned that I had been mind controlled by no one other than fucking Dracov, a monster of a man.

I haven't even left my room since everything happened, I can't face them. Now I'm stuck with these stupid thoughts in this stupid head of mine. I just wish they would go away. I can't do this anymore, seriously. The Red Room turned me into a monster and I hate myself every single day because of it.

I toss and turn in my bed, attempting to sleep for the fist time in days but everything is getting too much. I look at the time on my phone, it's 2:35am.

I place it onto my bedside table before getting out of bed and making my way to Tasha's room, pulling out a grappling hook from one of her drawers as I had lost mine on a mission, taking it with me outside of the compound.

I use the hook to climb my way up the building, using all of my strength to pull my body onto the roof before sitting at the edge, overlooking the city.

New York is a city that never sleeps, there is always cars driving everywhere all hours of the day, bright lights, people partying.

I let myself think about, about the damage I've done, the pain and suffering I've caused not only to innocent people but to the people I love too, Tasha.

I make up my mind before standing up on the edge of the building, I've taken away so many lives on this earth without a second thought, yet I'm here thinking over and over about taking my own. Make it make sense.

As I finally pluck up the courage to jump, I hear someone behind me.

"Y/N, Mily, can you step off the ledge, please?" (Sweetheart) Yelena says softly as she approaches me cautiously.

"L-lena, how did you know I was up here?" I stutter, my tears streaming like rivers down my bright red cheeks.

"I know a grappling hook when I hear one, and you're the only one apart from me and Nat that knows how to use one, what's going on? Talk to me." She states, still slowly making her way toward me.

"I-I can't do this, Lena, I've hurt so many innocent people, I've even hurt Nat. Who's to say I won't hurt anyone else? Every day I wake up and I wish that I didn't. I don't know what to do, this just seems like the best option, not just for me but for everyone." I tell her as I watch tears form in her own eyes at my words.

"Y/N, you are remorseful, you understand the wrong things that you've done. Do you think bad people are like that? Y/N, that wasn't you who harmed those people and it most certainly wasn't you that harmed Nat. Honey this isn't the only way out, I promise I can help you if you just let me in." She tells me with a soft smile. "Plus, this is not a cool way to die.." She adds, making me smile a little.

"No, you're right it's not. Would be a little cool that my death date would be the same as my birthday.." I mention.

Her eyes grow wide at the mention of it being my birthday, I don't believe she forgot though, she came up here to save my ass, not wish me happy birthday.

"Not today though, got it?" She strictly says, I slightly nod my head in agreement.

"Y/N/N?" Someone says from behind me and Yelena, I could recognise that voice anywhere.

I turn around a little too quickly, causing me to lose my balance and slip off the ledge and for some strange reason, I feel free.

"I'm pretty sure Yelena said 'not today' didn't she?" Peter asks me as he wraps his arms around me, keeping me secure as he swings us back to the compound.

We walk in through the front door, everyone is awake and sat on the sofa's. All of their eyes in my direction, stone cold expressions on each of their faces.

"Happy birthday, Weirdo." Tony says to me, smiling before pulling me into a side hug.

"What's going on? I thought you all hated me." I say, highly confused.

"We don't hate you, Y/N/N, we were worried for you, we knew that you couldn't control what you did." Wanda explains to me as she pulls me into a tight hug.

I sit down with everyone as I assume Yelena had briefly told them what had happened on the roof early hours this morning.

"How you feeling, Mini Romanoff?" Clint asks me, politely but it only hurts more hearing that.

"Don't call me that, Natasha is never going to want to see me again after what I had done to her." I mention as I look down at the floor, fiddling with the bottom of Natasha's shirt I'm wearing.

"You know that's not true, Y/N" He replies, placing his hand on my shoulder as he glances me a sympathetic smile.

"Anyway! You have presents to open!" Tony exclaims.

"Yeah, Stark I really appreciate it, I do but you need to stop wasting your money on me, I'm not worthy of anything good." I say before heading into the kitchen, Wanda and Peter following up behind me.

"How about, you eat some pancakes and then get a shower and we'll do presents later, how does that sound?" Wanda asks as she takes one of my hands in both of hers.

I nod slightly and she places a plate of pancakes on the table in front of me but I suddenly start to feel nervous about eating them.

"It's okay, my love, no one is in here other than us. You haven't eaten in weeks, you need this." Peter tells me as he picks up my knife and fork, cutting them up for me before putting a piece to my mouth.

I reluctantly take a bite, tears forming yet again in my eyes.

"Good job, baby." He says as he places his other hand on my cheek wiping away the single tear that dripped down my face.

After I had eaten a decent enough amount, Wanda takes me upstairs to my bathroom and begins running the shower, turning around while I get undressed before coming over to wash my hair for me as I have no energy whatsoever.

"Come on, Missy, let's get you dressed and we'll try going back down to the others again for presents and stuff, yeah?"

I nod my head in response and throw on a hoodie and a pair of shorts before Wanda helps me put my hair up into a messy bun.

We head downstairs and I sit on the sofa next to Peter as Wanda sits next to Yelena when suddenly, I hear a voice directly behind me.

"Happy birthday, Milashka."