Tennessee Whiskey AU

CHAPTER TWELVE

"Now this is gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do".

I steady myself with another deep breath as I walk over to sit on the side of the bed. As I sit on the edge of the bed fiddling with my hands I feel Jensen's eyes on me, as he passes me the bottle he says, "ok, how about you take a swig of this, get comfortable and we can watch a film or something. Just chill out, we don't have to talk. Just eat and drink."

I smile weakly as I say, "That sounds nice, but I feel like I owe you an explanation."

"Nope, you don't owe me anything. I had picked up on a couple of things from what people had said and I pushed too far. So, if anything it's me who owes you an apology." He doesn't hesitate to reassure me. "So, settle in and pick what you wanna watch. Oh, and maybe eat some of these before there's none left." He finishes as he picks up another helping of nachos and eats them. The smile he wears is cheeky and so him, it instantly calms me down a couple of notches.

"I think I can do that. But also, you don't need to be sorry for anything. I don't regret it, well except for how it ended. That definitely isn't the way it went in my head whenever I imagined it. I also didn't feel rushed. I wanted that to happen, well you know."

He smirks as I realise what I've just let slip. "Good to know. You know for future reference."

I take a large swig from the bottle, feeling the alcohol warm me up. As I move to sit on the bed more and help myself to some food, I decide to take the risk and lay my head on his shoulder. I ask him if that's okay, not wanting to send mixed signals after earlier. He moves to put his arm around me and says, "Darling you can cuddle up to me anytime you want or need." He chuckles more to himself than me and slowly shakes his head before continuing. "And those are words I never thought I would say out loud."

Ismile back as I pick up the remote. I don't really fancy watching anything, soI just settle for some ghost-hunting show that's on the TV. My mind is runninga mile a minute, going through things. How much to tell him and what to say? Itry  not to think about anything that happened and just switch off from reality. It's the same way I've had to tell anyone, even dealing with the police and court.

As the program comes to an end, I notice nearly an hour has passed. the nachos are long gone and so is half the tequila. Dutch courage was needed but I still needed my head to be clear, the last thing I wanted to do was ramble about everything that happened and tell him too much. I curl up more into his chest as he sits leaning back on the headboard, needing to soak in the warmth of him before I start.

"Ok so, I want to say a few things, because I don't want things to be awkward between us. I felt so comfortable with you, and I want things to go back about 90 minutes or so. Not that I feel uncomfortable now." I add seeing his face change. "It just feels a little like we are both testing the waters and making sure things are ok, instead of just enjoying things. I guess I just don't want you walking on eggshells around me. You know? That's if you've got time. I know you said earlier you had to go soon, and I've kept you here even longer." I say looking down and feeling guilty.

"Hey, no awkwardness. Not on my part anyway. We can take things slow. At your pace. You don't need to explain anything, I just enjoy spending time with you. That's if you want to ever see me again. I guess you could have been about to say, well it's been nice knowing you or we should just leave this as friends or something."

Now it's my turn to laugh as I look at the expression he wears. I touch his cheek and slowly turn his face to mine; I want some connection with him as I explain. "Yes, I would very much like to see you again in the future, and not just as a friend either. Rather very much to do more of what we were doing before." I lean forward to kiss him in what I intend to be a quick kiss, just to stomp out my point. It doesn't take long for both of us to turn the quick meeting of our lips slightly more heated. Neither of us gets too carried away, but it fills me with more of that warm safe feeling I'm craving from him.