Tennessee Whiskey AU

CHAPTER EIGHTY

"Don't pretend you're sorry. I know you're not. You know you've got the power. To make me weak inside. Girl, you leave me breathless. But it's okay 'Cause you are my survival. Now hear me say I can't imagine Life without your love. Even forever, Don't seem like long enough. 'Cause every time I breathe, I take you in And my heart beats again. Baby, I can't help it, You keep me drowning in your love."

                                             Scarlett's POV

It's been ten days since I left the Ackles household and Jay. We've messaged none stop, called and video called every day. But it's not the same as being able to touch him or kiss him when I want to. Real life has got in the way now. The bubble has burst, he's working hard and is busy filming. Where as me, I've settled back into my usual life, the life I had before Jay stepped into it. I've wrote a couple more songs and tweaked a few I had before. There has been a definite change in the things I've been writing compared to before. I happier note so to speak. I've worked on the song for Haley and Connor with them and I think it's sounding pretty good, all I have left to do it convince them to sing it. Erin surprised the shit out of me when she asked me to work on a song with her. It's turned out quite good even if I do say so myself. The lyrics and feeling behind it surprised me a little, not that she was feeling it but that she would put it out there like that, never thought I would she her admit or own up to it. 

Sales of the single are doing ok. Not brilliantly but ok. Enough that everyone seems happy enough anyway, I have no idea I just write what I write and sing when and where I'm told. They want to organise some more events and publicity for us starting after Christmas. I think we have enough songs ready to start laying out the second album. Our plan is to get them in a rough recording over the next few weeks ready to send them off to the powers that be to see what changes need to be made and what they are happy with. Then it can be officially recorded. I believe the plan is to release a couple more songs off the first album before releasing the second album July time. Then we start looking at tour dates. I'm not sure yet if that would be opening for someone in bigger venues or our own gigs at smaller venues. Like I said I just turn up and sing when I'm told at this point. We still perform in the bar on Friday nights, with noted nigger crowds which is good for both the band and sales in the bar, so it's a win win for me and Caleb.

Somehow over the next week I have to fit in starting the rough songs can start being recorded, setting up cover for the ranch and bar before finally flying home to the U.K. to finally meet my baby niece. It's something I'm so excited about. But going home always slightly unnerves me. I know I'm safe from him. He's locked up and can't get to me now. Doesn't mean he doesn't have family. I know his brother is as much of a psycho as he is. His mother hates me for her precious son being locked up. According to her it's all my fault. I'm the bitch that ruined her sons life. Who would have thought it? Little old me. It wasn't like I forced him to nearly kill me. I'd like to tell her he ruined my life too, that I'm locked in prison too, only mine is in my mind. But figure it's best to just leave them as far enough alone as possible. This whole starting the band thing does worry me though. What if they see, what if they start something, cause trouble or go to the press and then everyone has a distorted version of what actually happened. I'm not sure how I would cope with that.

I may also have been a little bit sneaky and planned to spend a couple of days in L.A. before I head to what was once home. I think I might need my fix of Jay before I leave. Just to give a girl a smile on her face, he does it so easily. It seemed like a good way of spending time with him without anyone knowing. I still have no idea what's stopping me from shouting it from the roof tops and telling everyone how things have changed between me and Jay. 

Actually that's not entirely true. I may have an idea or two. I just don't like them very much. What if maybe I'm holding all my cards close to my chest so that when it all ends or something happens no one will know. I think I have well and truly gotten over the idea of him being controlling. In fact I think  I quite like that side of him, I mean it only comes out during sex with just adds to the fun. I know he wouldn't hurt me, physically at least. But both of those are not the only ways Dave hurt me. I strongly feel he would never force himself on me or force me to do anything I didn't want to. He's done everything in his power to make sure I know that. Even in the beginning Dave was never that respectful. Plus and this is the real kicker and the most annoying thing currently bouncing around my head. Jay could literally have any woman he wants, hell he always has done. 

Jealousy is not something I am proud of, but here we are. Unlike with the other things I have dealt with since meeting Jay I am managing to keep this one hidden. Well at least from him. He has no idea of the psycho waiting to come out at any random point. I've started to find that now I've started talking to the rest of the girls about my past, I've found it easier to talk to them about other stuff like all this going through my head. I can't confirm to them that we are in a relationship because it's not something we have ever talked about. Well besides joking about the girlfriend experience. So I actually have no idea where I stand or what we are to even consider telling anyone. 

Being able to talk to someone is still a huge help though. Not something I'm used to if I'm honest. Dave made sure I had no one around me to talk to. If I would have figured out how wrong it all was, hey, you think that's why he did it? Anyway, back to Jensen. This is the other side of why no one knows I'm going to L.A. not even Jay. I'm not setting up some sort of trap for him and yes I know he's busy and has to work. Ok, maybe a bit of that psycho is coming out at the moment, but L.A. is a long way away. The thing that makes me really angry at myself, I decide as I start to pack my cases. If he was doing anything I wouldn't even be able to get mad at him or blame him in all honesty. Long distance is hard and it's not even like we are properly committed to each other. I guess I will find out tomorrow. 

Fuck who am I kidding I would burn the whole shit down if I did find doing anything with anyone.

Someone send help. I think I may need therapy!