Tennessee Whiskey AU

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

"Should we let our hearts break while we wait for the moment, and hold on 'till we see where it's goin'? God knows you and I could be golden. No, we'll never look back."

It's official. Jensen has slipped past my defences. While I still find it sort or terrifying. I also kind of love it now too. Our connection. Our talks. Our sex life. Ok maybe definitely our sex life. He's made me feel cared for and appreciated in ways I didn't even think was possible. When I feel asleep last night curled up in his arms, snuggled into his delicious body. It finally hit me and I realised I've never been happier. Am I ready to admit any of this to anyone else? Nope, not yet. I've barely got my head around it myself. I'm no where near ready to actually voice these feelings and let anyone else in on how I feel. I need more time to let the idea settle with me first. 

I feel his hand stroke up and down my arm, signalling that he's awake. 

"Mornin' gorgeous." He says, he voice deep and husky and still thick with sleep. 

"Morning to you to. did you sleep ok?"

"I slept better than I've done the past couple of weeks. I really like falling asleep with you in my arms."

"It's something a girl could definitely get used to. I like falling asleep in your arms too. It's peaceful. You help keep the nightmares at bay."

"Well, I'm more than happy to do that anytime you need, just let me know and I am happy to be of service."

"I will keep that in mind, but for now I need a shower and get ready. We have a big day planned."

"You want me to join you in the shower?"

"No, I will never want to leave if you get in with me, Get ready and I will meet you downstairs for breakfast."

"Do I get the others up?"

"Yeah, you might as well. Then by the time I come down I might get the same pleasure I did yesterday morning." I say with a wink as i get up and head towards the en suite. 

"Breakfast cooked by four semi naked men coming right up."

"Hot, you forgot the hot semi naked men part." I correct him as I leave the bedroom.

I climb in the shower and rest my head against the tiles. Normally when I'm in this position it's because I'm being bombarded with bad memories. None of the things running through my brain at the moment are bad, no where near. I let the hot water soak into my body. Easing the ache from where my body is deliciously sore this morning.

I tried so hard to be good. Stick to the boundaries I'd set, us being friends. I lasted a matter of hours before I was kissing the man like I needed it more than air to breath.  I lasted one night before I was back in bed with him, as if our time apart didn't even exist. I should probably feel bad for that. The fact I had broken all the rules I had set for myself. Yet, somehow I can't manage to bring myself to give a shit. 

I nearly jump out my skin when I hear his voice behind me.

"Darlin', I'm getting in. I need a shower to and you look like you've settled in for the day." He says as he climbs in the shower with me. "See, this is the kind of shower you could have sex in. Puts my shower to shame."

"First of all get any of those ideas out of your head Ackles. We really do not have time to spend an hour in the shower. Plus, a girl needs to recover a little bit. Last night was something else."

"Which time?" He jokes as he slips his arms around my waist and pulls me into his body.

"Secondly," I say pushing away from his chest slightly, I need a little room before I give in completely. Before it's not going to be him that starts something but me. He has the ability to get me from zero to a hundred and twenty in three seconds flat.  "If you like this shower you should see the one in my en suite."

The slow sexy smile that spreads across his face does me in. I'm either about to combust or drop to my knees. It's hard to say which one at the moment. Let's be honest neither sounds like a bad idea. 

"Is that an invitation?" He asks wiggling his eyebrows. "I mean to just see your bedroom would be nice. It's the one part of the house not only have I not seen but also that you haven't shown off. Makes me kinda wonder what you're hiding in there?"

"Not hiding anything. It's just sort of. No one else has ever stayed in there. Scratch that never been in there. It's the one thing that's completely just mine. You know?"

"Hey, I get it. It's ok. We have all the time in the world. I will be back here again soon. I've kind of fell in love with the place. As long as you say you will sleep in here with me when I'm here, then I have no problem at all."

This time it's me that pulls him closer. Wrapping my arms around his neck. He seems to good to be true. He always seems to do or say the absolute perfect thing.

"That isn't what I was trying to say. I promise one day I might be better and able to actually communicate what it is I'm trying to say. And now I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm trying to explain and how to say it. No. I don't usually let other people in there. I guess it comes down to trusting people, letting someone inside that part of me. You know?"

"Well, if it helps. At this point there's very few parts of you I haven't been inside." He smiles that knee trembling smile of his as he slides his hands up and down my sides. 

"Is that right? Maybe I need a demonstration of what you mean." I lift onto my tiptoes and kiss him. Despite how much I try to turn up the heat, he keeps things slow and steady. I growl in frustration and he pulls back chuckling to himself.

"I'm, I couldn't help it, that's the cutest, sexiest noise I've ever heard from a woman."

"Well what do you expect, you are being rather frustrating at the moment,"

"Wow, you were the one who said we didn't have time and then tried to jump my bones, woman."

"So it wasn't you that started all this with your cheeky comment, no?"

"Maybe it was cheeky but I was just going for truthful." He shrugs and then winks at me. Confirming he knows exactly what he is saying and doing every time we are alone together and how it effects me. 

"What I was trying to say was. That might be the case with everyone else. But with you I feel like maybe I wouldn't mind so much. I'm not ready to sleep in there I don't think. Who knows at this point, especially when it comes to you. But I know I wouldn't mind if after my shower I go into my room to dressed and you were behind me all the way. I would not be pissed if you were with me." I shrug not sure what else to say or how I'm feeling if I'm honest. I'm kinda rambling as usual. When I look up into his eyes, the emotion I see in them knocks all the air out of my lungs. It looks an awful lot like love. So much love and happiness. I've never had anyone look at me the way he is at the moment. I'm trying my hardest not to freak out. I obviously fail miserably and manage to hold none of it in because he sighs and holds me tight to his chest until I can breath again. I know he saw the panic in my eyes, it wasn't there because of what I said, it was there because I don't know what to do with what I saw in him and how that's making me feel. It's terrifying, scary as hell but also incredible and sexy at the same time. I was to stressed figuring out how I felt. I guess I hadn't really given much thought to how he felt. Seems so stupid, but now I'm sort of a little blown away. I struggled enough with him actually wanting to see me again. The thought that he might feel something for me. Especially something as strong as love. I know he's said things in the past but that's what men do right? They tell you things they think you want to hear, or maybe I just have a jaded idea of men. 

"Come on" I say grabbing his hand and dragging him out the shower. I may not be able to say how I feel, but maybe things like this will show him. " Get that sexy ass of yours dressed, I wanna show before I chicken out."