Tennessee Whiskey AU

CHAPTER EIGHTY FIVE

'Ooh, baby, I love your way, every day. Shadows grow so long before my eyes and they're moving across the page. Suddenly the day turns into night. Far away from the city, but don't, oh no, hesitate 'Cause your love just won't wait'

                                     Scarlett's POV

Something seems off with Jay. I mean I'm not even going to go into what the fuck was going on in his head when he woke up this morning. I'm not sure I could figure that shit out in a million years even if I wanted to, and I'm not sure I do.  Part of me feels a little happy about how bad he felt thinking he had done something with someone else last night. I honestly think it would have broke my heart if he had. But at the same time we haven't really had serious conversations about what we are or defined things I guess. There's still the issue of distance between us. I guess that thought doesn't stop me being invested, my heart is on the line and it scares the living crap out of me. However, knowing that he didn't do anything did make for a very funny conversation, not that I would let him know I found humor in it, I may just let him suffer a little longer. The big idiot. 

I'm not sure if it's just the vibe today that has me worried about him or just some left over gut feeling from how uncomfortable I felt last night. The whole thing made me feel like I was invaded something and that I shouldn't have been there. The whole thing was just off, from sitting on the doorstep waiting for the person I had come all this way to see, who by the way had told me they would be back at their house by a certain time having a quiet restful night in by himself. Then all the awkwardness around some of his friends, leading to the horrendous mess that happened this morning all gives me the really uncomfortable sensation this surprise trip was the biggest mistake I've made yet. 

Don't get me wrong we definitely connected on a physical level but knowing he is holding something back about whatever happened yesterday that made it such a 'bad day' scares me. He's all for me opening up and telling him about everything that is bothering me but if he isn't willing to do the same that is a huge concern for me. I want a partner. An equal partner. One who is willing to share his worries with me, who is able to confide in me when he gets down. The nagging voice in my head keeps telling me he is uses sex as a distraction to keep me from asking difficult questions. I mean it's fun and all but it's never going to get us any further into a serious relationship, maybe that's what he wants. Maybe this is just fun to him. Maybe I really shouldn't be complaining. I mean it's not like I'm getting a bad deal. 

I lie in bed trying to catch my breath, while my mind is running wild with a thousand different ideas that could possibly be wrong with him. I swear if he's keeping quiet because he's trying to do the manly thing of not wanting to stress me out he needs to realise being left to my own thoughts is a lot worse. I have well and truly fallen head over heals for this man and now I'm stress worrying about what could possibly be wrong. How worried should I be? Like is it something about us, is he getting bored with us, me? Is it all becoming too much for him, the distance, never seeing each other, throw in all the shit we have had to deal with regarding my past I can't say I could blame the poor guy if he has had enough.  The sex is off the charts incredible but what if that's all there is?

Shaking myself out of the funky vibe I seem to have walked head first into, I decide to get up and track the man himself down. I want answers so it needs to come from him no matter how much he wants to avoid it. What I find when I enter the bathroom causes me physical pain. The sight of him with his forehead resting against the tiles seeming to be a million miles away from me makes me want to reach out and give him whatever comfort I can. I slowly move towards him not wanting to scare him in the daze he seems to be in. I reach out my hands and slide them around his stomach, gently kissing the back of his neck as I step into the shower behind him. The fact that I could even get this close to him without him noticing I was even there tells me everything I need to know about where his head is at. I feel his body tense under my touch that tells me if I would let it happen I could be in for a very good time, but I can't let him waylay me this time.