This is a story about Scarlet Moore, the struggles she had to face, and how she both recovered and found strength from them. From meeting Jensen Ackels and then later Dean Winchester.
P.S. This is a story based on Scarlet Moore and her life and on...
"Head all messed up like the sheets where we made love."
Scarlett's POV
It's the day before the night of the party, a sickening realisation has dawned on. I haven't asked Jensen. I haven't even mentioned the party to him I'm not sure why I didn't do it I know he's busy with everything he has going on at the moment. But a huge part of me feels so gutted, this is going to be one of the biggest nights of my life. And all I want to do is spend it with him, I want to share all these big steps with him. The idea scares me so much, I never thought I would want to share parts of my life with anybody again. Even if I did meet somebody new, I always felt like I had to keep a part of me locked away. Like that was the only way I could keep myself safe. To avoid the pain of being hurt again. Unable to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach my mood has turned sour. I'm one step away from throwing things around the kitchen. By the time Erin walks in I'm full on shouting at vegetables like a mad woman. Hearing the door bang shut as she enters makes me jump and launch a potato across the room at her.
"Whoa, everything ok in here?" she she yelps as she ducks out of the way just in time to avoid being smacked by the flying projectile that was supposed to be dinner.
"Absolutely fine. Why would there be a problem." I snap back at her.
"Yeah, seems perfectly fine to me." She says as she approaches me slowly, as if I'm a wild animal likely to attack at any second. I mean the mood I'm in it's a strong possibility, I have already tried once. When she finally gets close enough to touch me she throws her arms around me.
"Can we try that again, you're so angry you're nearly in tears. I know you Lettie whatever this is, isn't good, so tell me or I'm dragging your ass out of here before you cause any damage to anyone else. Dear God, does that pan have a dent in it" she looks at me in horror as she backs up slightly.
""It may have had an unfortunate accident with the wall." I say sheepishly. I'm pissed at myself. No one else. This one's all on me."
"That's ok. Whatever it is we can fix it it. Or at least try. Two heads are better than one."
"It's about tomorrow and it seems so stupid." I take a deep breath a perch on the stool next to the sink. "I didn't mention it to Jay. I don't know why I didn't but now I really wish I had."
"Do you think maybe you didn't mention it because you didn't want him to say he wouldn't come. Because then you would feel like your fears were right. Your biggest problem at the moment is admitting there's something about him that means he could hurt you. Not that I'm saying he would, because I don't think he is that person. But he has the power to, ya know?"
"Well, fuck. Don't warm up to it or anything just smash right in Erin." She shrugs and smiles at me. "Maybe a little of that. A little of did I really want to see him again or leave what we had there where it was safe. I know he is working loads at the moment and if he couldn't come even if he wanted to it would hurt. I think he would also feel guilty and that's not fair on him. I've made it very clear that this can't be anything but friendship. Yet he still keeps going."
"Like forcing you into something you don't want?"
"God no, he would never. Like you said that's just not him. We've spoke enough about my past for me to know where his head is at in regard to forcing me to do anything. He's actually the opposite. Like he's patient. He's giving me all the time I need to figure this out. But he says he wants to work it out." I feel the burn of the tears in my eyes, as much as I don't want to, I seem to be opening up to Erin about everything at the moment. I have verbal diarrhoea and I can't stop it. "I spoke to him more than I have with anyone. He knows some things I haven't even been able to tell you." I see the hurt flash across her features before she gains control and is back to usual. "I didn't say that to hurt you, there's just some scars that are hard to share. Especially with someone as close as you." She nods and I reach forward to touch her hand as a sign of comfort. "I want the friendship with him. I want to share parts of my life with him, if we were to become anything more I not only risk being hurt but also losing the friend that I need. Is any of this making sense?"
"All of it sis, unfortunately, you have got yourself in a pickle. Although I will say, a good friendship, great connection, and hot steamy sex. There have been worse bases to a relationship."
"I'm not there. I don't know if I ever will be. It feels wrong to give him hope and make him wait."
"Has he said he has any issue waiting or that he would feel like you owe him something if he makes that choice off his own back."
"No he hasn't but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad. The stupid part is I wish I was ready, he thinks he needs to prove to me that he is enough and worth investing in any kind of future with us but the truth is I know he is. I know how good it could be between us. My worry is what if he discovers I'm not enough, that he gets bored of phone calls once a day being enough. I think that would break me far more than anything in my past."
"It sounds like you have to be there yourself. That you have to see what we all see. You have to know you are enough sweetie." Her phone rings and she tells me she will be back in a sec. while she's gone I start to put the kitchen back together while I try to soak in her words. When she comes back she tells me I should call him and ask. That it can't do any harm, he might not be able to as it is stupidly short notice and to not get my hopes up. But to at least try, not to be upset if he can't but at least it lets him know how I'm feeling for next time. Before running out the door she tells me it was Rob on the phone and he had said to remind me his friends fly in tonight and they will probably be here for dinner too. As if I didn't have enough on my mind. I swear he told me it was tomorrow they arrived. Now I see why he got her to tell me and why she ran. Chickens.
I take a deep breath and dial his number as soon as she leaves me alone. The call goes pretty much how I expected. He'd told me earlier in the week he had some time off but now there's been some changes or something, I don't understand it. I tried so hard not to let my disappointment show while we talked, but he still heard it. Because of that I know he's now hurting thinking he had let me down. I wipe the tears from my eyes that have started to fall and decide I need a break from work. I figure I will walk the dog and get the place cleaned and ready for when Rob's friends arrive for the party a day fucking early, before I have to come back and work the dinner shift. I text Auntie Sue and Andre my sous chef to see if they can handle the prep. As soon as I hear back that I'm good to go I send one more text telling Erin I need her support tonight. I may need a drink or two and my Playstation. With the dread of having to meet new people and wishing I hadn't said yes, I resign myself to my fate and head out to get the dog.
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