Love & Drugs

Molly

I'm naked sitting in my bathtub with water running on. Noah was trying to get himself forgave, but I didn't know what to say or neither what to do. All I wanted to do was to scream, cry, tell him to get out and never talk to me again, but at the same time I wanted to tell him to stay. He came back from the kitchen with a glass of red wine that he put on the on the edge of my bath, stopped the water and started to wash my body. He first started with my back, making bottom-up movements moving horizontally at each end of the movement. I was staring at the blank, not talking and not moving a single part or muscles of my body. Once finished, Noah handed me a pink pastel towel and helped me get out of the bath. I sat on the floor doing nothing. I take the glass of wine and drink a bit. Everything was so messy in my head right now. Millions of thought we're running around and I couldn't do a single thing to stop this. I could hear him breathe and sigh since it was so quiet and heavy in here.

"If you're gonna be here to be looking forward, leave"

I tell Noah with a low and quiet voice. He looks at me trying to search, what to answer to this.

"I'm not eager" does he say staring into me.

I could feel his stare on my skin, like If he didn't know what to do or say. I decide not respond to his comment and got dressed then go in my bed under my covers. I closed my eyes seeing nothing but black and emptiness in my mind. I wanted to get to sleep and wake up only to realize that this was all just a simple bad dream then get on with my life knowing it never happened, but it wasn't like that and it wasn't this simple. He followed me in my room and gave me one of my cats. I took it and the cat lay next to me in bed. Millions of questions were running in my mind but I had one more important than all of the other, so I asked him. I knew damn well nothing was happening if I didn't do anything first since he's not really good with signs and communication. I wanted him to tell me what really happened three years ago with this girl.

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"What happened with the girl"

He seemed hesitant to embark on the subject with the way he stayed silent, so I turned to look at him.

"... We just turned eighteen and at that time I didn't know why but getting married the very same day seemed like a good idea so we got married and moved together in an apartment.."

Noah took a little break and started again.

"The three first weeks we're okay and then things got violent, toxic and weird. She started beating me up with a broken bottle of glass of old beer, once she even dragged me without my knowledge giving me dinner and putting drug in it. She even cut me on the thigh once, and I have a big scar. All of this lasted for at least five months. My band noticed all the bruises and everything and talked to me about it and they helped me get rid of her in my life. It's been three years since that and now I don't know where she is or even what she's doing, but I don't want to know"

I didn't know what to say or what to do. All I could think of was how bad it must have felt.

"So... I'm not the... other woman..?"

I ask.

"No, Molly, you're not"

"You never thought of getting divorced?"

"Yes, my friends told me she lives in Las Vegas now but I don't want to see her"

"... I could go with you... maybe"

"You'd do that?"

He asks surprised.

"As long as I don't fuck a married man anymore"

I say smiling at him a bit. He looks at me as if my comment was stupid even though he found it funny. He looks down at me with a look in his eyes I wouldn't know how to describe or know what it meant. I never really was good at understanding what eyes meant to say when they looked in my way.