Love & Drugs

Molly's old poetry

You left me when I needed you the most and you fucking know it

You fucking left and took my soul

You broke up, so now I'm supposed to blow out every feeling I have for you

We are not together anymore so yeah,

Treat me like I never even existed, Treat me with inconsideration and unkindness

I'm your ex girlfriend, so that's okay, right?

It's okay to pretend like we've never even been anything

It's okay to act and make me feel like I was the only one wrong in this story

It's okay to talk shit about me

It's okay to act like I never even mattered

You say you have respect for me

It's bullshit

I don't see this respect, I don't hear it and feel it neither

I hate the way I don't hate you

Not even a bit, Not even close, Not even at all

I never could hate you honestly even if I tried so hard to convince myself that I do, I just... never could

You didn't even check up on me to see if I was okay

Yeah, I did mistake without even wanting it at all

I know it hurt you, and I'm sorry for that but how could you think that I could try to hurt you on purpose

I thought you knew I would never hurt anyone on purpose, I guess I was wrong

Now you just believe everything people tell you about me

You think I hurt you that bad, Look how bad I'm hurting now because of it

I fell in love with you knowing damn well the risk and yeah I don't regret it neither, How could I ever?

Yeah, I'm hurt

And yet I'm still in love with you like a fool

______

Same old usual hot summer months

Sunshine all day and the moon bright up all night, Stars are shining in this midnight sky

Lighting up our way on those late night walks and talk

Hot and cold nighttime wind softly blowing on the skin

Music playing in the background

Foolish young lovers

______

I feel so fucking weird lately. I feel like everything around me is moving and living and I'm just still standing where I was left. It's so stupid, but a girl compared my life to an episode of Skins the other day. I find it kinda sad, but at the same time I feel like she's right. I'm just a body with no soul in it, an observer, an outcast weird girl with no place in this world for everyone. Trying to go up to the surface and breathe without suffocating while drowning in a deep dark sea. You don't care so why should I care about myself like you asked me to? You're not me, and that's why you'll never understand. Where is my fucking mind? I miss myself. Lana was right when she said "I think I'll miss you forever" in her song Summertime Sadness. I felt related so much to that line. Every time I feel you close it makes me feel so sick. I gave you my entire heart even if you and I knew damn well it was already a lot damaged and you just crushed it in your hands because of some stupid mistake I did. You had every right to feel the way you did and I would've felt like that too if it happened to me, but you didn't have the right to act the way you do. There's so many things I wanna say, but I don't know where to start. Unfortunately, you'll never gonna see and read this because you know why would you even bother to check up on me a bit, right? I feel like I'm an outcast everywhere I go, like a glitch or like parasites.

______

Opened my heart to you and all you did spat on it

______

Shouldve known wasting my breath and time on assholes like you was a bad idea

______

Started smoking again

Crying in the dark alone again

Made me miserable

Hope you get what you deserve

Now that we don't talk anymore I can tell the truth to myself

Shits like you never changes

Put my mind through hell

______

I can't be friend with you even if i wanted to

Held myself cause you wouldn't

Will you cry if I let go?

______

How comes, I'm still replaying the story in my head

While on your side, you're just continuing to live normally like nothing happened

How comes, I'm fucking everything up because I'm lost while you're all fine, living freely without any issue to do it

It's unfair

I'll always remember all your words, your touch and look of stare

Should've known we were no good for each other

Had to put an end to our story

Couldn't let our chapter opens forever, had to close it

Put a last kiss on those pretty lips of yours

Feel them one last time

Hear your voice one last time

Have better memories of us before leaving forgood