The Repeated History of the Heroes

Incense and Regret

       Cassidy's room smelt like incense and regret.  She really needed to a better job at her job but she couldn't, she couldn't focus on her thoughts, she didn't even know if she had thoughts.  For all she knew she was a pile of nothingness with an ice pack held to her black eye, maybe the sunglasses Maddie had made her pack would come in handy after all.  She was staring at herself in the mirror, her reflection blurred by the dust coating the surface.  She imagined herself somewhere else.  Her blurry background in the mirror being the aggressive pink of the couch in Maddie's room, that was safer than the chipped white wooden bunk bed behind her.  She didn't have a roommate, but the room felt like it inhabited a ghost.

     She didn't think that was possible, she didn't go to the top bunk, just in case.  She'd have to ask Nathan about it when this was over, assuming he was okay.  She didn't know for sure, she hadn't heard from Maddie in a while.  A while was twenty-four hours.  She wanted to call her on her headphones, but she didn't want to bother her, not when she didn't have anything helpful to say.  She needed to understand where they were, to understand how these tunnels worked, to understand who built them.  She knew the titan army didn't build them.  Maybe Maggy would be able to figure it out from the support screws in the rock wall, maybe if she didn't hate her.

   Damn it, she had been trying so hard not to think about it.  She tried so hard to ignore whatever had happened earlier but it was hard.  Maggy hated her, rightfully so, she'd lost her trust.  She closed her eyes, setting the ice pack down on her black sheets, and then she wondered.  Fuck, she wondered.  She didn't want to wonder things or have thoughtful thoughts, she didn't want to ponder the world.  Yet, here she was, fucking wondering.

    She wondered if Nathan was okay, actually she hoped he was okay.  He was one of the first people who showed her kindness, after Maddie he recruited her to help with his hell hound project.  He introduced her to Fizzy and taught her how to stand up for herself.  Nathan didn't know everything he did for her, but he really did make her life more livable.  She really hoped he was okay, she wondered how Sam was holding up.

   Before they left camp Sam had been a mess, he started growing nothing but poisons.  Lucy had complained about it to the silent air of their cabin one night that he had none of her favorite herbs, no one responded to her.  Cassidy had almost explained to her that he was struggling to function and that his abilities were affected by his emotions.  She wondered how Lucy was doing back at camp, probably fine.  She was probably dancing around the cabin and brewing potions.

   She pushed the thought back and laid down, her door opened.  "Cassidy," K stepped in the room, "Somethings- what happened to you?"

  "Uh," she touched the bruise lightly, "Long depressing story."

   He shut the door, "Okay, tell me what's really going on.  What are you doing here?"

  "I can't," she sat all the way up, "You know that."

  "Fine," he pulled a wooden stool from the corner next to the door and sat, "I have something to tell you."  He was holding a black cloth bound journal from, "It's about- um- it's about Calvin."

  "What?" a jolt went through her, as if she was struck by lightning.

  He closed his eyes, "So I- I'm I was the first person, other than Amy that he met here and well," he sighed, tapping his fingers on the book.  "He was bright and I let him be stupid and before he died, I knew he was going to die, we all did.  I don't know why we let him do it, a big part of me was sure he could handle it.  The-" his voice cracked painfully, "The other part of me was screaming to stop him.  That was the part of me that remembered what happened to Owen," his eyes closed a tear rolling down his cheek.  "He of course couldn't handle it and I guess Calvin knew that.  He made me promise to look after you and it wasn't as easy as I'd thought it may be.  But Dani found this the other day and I might've taken it from her."  He held it out, "it was his journal, you should have it."