He meant everything to her. Three years later and she'd still do anything to keep him safe, sacrifice everything to protect him- even if that meant keeping him at an arm's length.
She was the one person who truly knew him. The one person he'd choos...
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— — —
Johanna sat on the edge of her bed, legs lightly swinging near the floor. She'd been at war with herself the past hour, wrestling with the idea of going to him. They hadn't spoken since the night of the wedding, which meant it'd been two full days.
And since then, she'd wanted to talk to him countless times. What he'd admitted to her and what she'd done— it'd been a lot. For both of them. She didn't blame him for not wanting to talk to her. He'd admitted some hard things, but so had she.
None of that really mattered though. The only real family he had left was shipping out to the front lines tomorrow morning. With that knowledge, she knew he wasn't okay.
Would he admit that? No. Did she really care? No.
Without another thought, Johanna slid off of her bed, taking the remaining steps to her door. She opened it, stepping out into the dimly lit hall. It was pretty late, all things considered. She didn't know the exact time, but her guess would've been two or three in the morning. Her feet carried her down the hall, stopping once she'd reached his door.
What was she doing? Sawyer was probably asleep and—
Her hand fell back down by her sides as she caught sight of him. From where she stood, she could see Kai at the end of the hall. He was sitting on the ledge overlooking the entirety of District 13. It was a railing about navel high, almost twenty floors up. That's where all of their rooms were in relation to where Coin usually gave her little speeches.
She slowly made her way to him, careful not to make too much noise. She knew he'd heard her though. As she reached him, Johanna kept her voice quiet against the harsh silence consuming him. "Should I be worried you're gonna jump or can I relax?"
Kai didn't take his eyes off of the distance from the ground as he responded, letting out a small breath. "I mean, I thought about it, but no. You can relax."
Johanna was only three feet from him, but she wished she wasn't. She wished she could pull him down from off the railing and keep him away from it.
"I thought about what you said." He continued, nodding his head once. "About how I have my life back; how I have my second chance. Everyone keeps telling me that I deserve to be here and I want to believe them, but for some reason, I can't."
Johanna swallowed hard, taking the remaining steps to him.
"You're right, you know." Kai turned to his left, locking onto her concerned eyes. "I want to believe it, but, uh," He paused, dropping his gaze. "I can't do it by myself."
"I meant what I said before. You don't have to." She shrugged her shoulders ever so lightly. "What's it gonna take for you to realize you belong here?"
"I don't know." He murmured. "I have all this guilt. I do feel like it should've been me, but I know that's wrong. I just can't get it out of my head."
