𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐝...

Chapter Twenty Two

Alexander's face shifted when he heard me. I feel like he knows why am I asking this question right now. "Do you have hours to spare?" he joked. "Alex" I sighed. "Look I know what you're doing here okay? That is not gonna work" he stated. "I don't want you to be feeling in over your head here" I spoke as I got up and leaned on the headboard of the bed. "I do not care okay? I am in" he said confidently.

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. "Hey what is going on with you? Talk to me" Alexander spoke softly. "I'm just starting to feel guilty, for involving you in my life. My shitty life" I admitted. "Princess..." he sighed and was about to approach the bed but I stopped him. "Wait! I wanna tell you fully what you're in for if you stayed" I stated. "That is not gonna change how I feel," He said. "Just listen Alex please.." I begged and he sighed nodding.

"I'm a mess. I worry a lot about people that don't give a shit about me. I forgive easily. I cry quickly, but on my own. I am way sensitive that what people think. I don't know how to initiate. I don't know how to say what I'm feeling when I need to pour my heart out. I overthink a lot. I don't trust people easily because of my past, and mostly I don't trust myself. I am hotheaded, and very angry all the time for no reason. If someone hurts me, even in the slightest, I shut down from that person and shut the hell up and not confront them. I give this I don't care vibe, but everything that happens and everything that is being said to me? It affects me... like really really hard. And I don't know how to be loved by someone... I don't let them" I talked. Alexander was nodding and tilted his head and gazed at me. "Oh and not to forget about all the traumatizing things I've been through since I was born that messed me up" I added.

He sat up straight and smiled softly at me. "You see with all this? All of what you said? I knew about it and I am still here and I will be here. You can try all you want to push me away but I ain't going nowhere" He stated. "Alexander.." I spoke. "No Kami! Just no." He stood up. I sighed and shook my head. "I believe if we met in another lifetime it'll work" I mumbled. "What are you talking about? Are you seriously ending this because you feel guilty? Guilty for what exactly? For my feelings for you? You didn't force it upon me Kami! I wanted this. I wanted to be with you. This is not gonna end like this" Alex started getting angry. "I'm tired Alex. We'll talk tomorrow" I sighed.

"No! No... listen to me" He sat by me on the bed. "I need you to know that.. my life is way better because I met you" he held my hand with both of his own. I looked at him with watering eyes and shook my head. "I know it's scary and hard for you. And it is the same for me but... you're heart is safe with me" his eyes started to become glossy for the first time. "Do you love me?" I asked desperately. He chuckled a little and then he gazed into my eyes. "Are you seriously asking me this? Didn't you notice that when you talk I bloom? Didn't you see my eyes for when I see you they sparkle? Didn't you see my smile when you laugh? That I am without you empty and lost? That you are my home, my land, and my everything? Yes! I love you" His words played with my heartstrings. And I felt everything around me stopped. I jumped into his arms and hugged him. He held me tightly as he brushed his fingers around my shoulders. "I love you Alex... I truly do. But I was scared that I was not who you wanted me to be when you got closer to the real me" I admitted with a shaky breath. "That did not happen and I promise you it will not. How can I think that when we are the same huh?" he comforted me. "You made me love myself. You made me feel like I am someone worthy of being alive. Your eyes are like a safe place to me. In a crowded room I only seek you... does that make sense?" I wept. He chuckled and pulled me away. "You don't have to say it to me princess... It's all in your eyes and I can see it" he murmured smiling. "I-I look at you and I... I'm home" I stated between heavy breaths. His smile grew wider and he pulled me back to his arms.