DNS

Part 5 - The first day

I open my eyes and see nothing but white, at first a little confused as I take in my surroundings - forgetting that I'd fallen asleep in Charles bed.

He really needs some colour in here, or even just a bit of texture because right now the vibe of this room is very much 'asylum'.

I roll over and stretch and all I can smell is Charles, it sounds pathetic saying this because I know everyone has their own smell but no one smelt quite like him, it was like smelling home.

C: "What are you doing?"

I see him standing by the door with a cup of coffee for me - as I'm midway through a deep inhale of the pillows around me. Brilliant.

C: "You've clearly missed me."

I turn red, Ferrari red. All I can do is giggle and laugh it off at this point.

L: "Yes! I have missed you, but you really need to do something about this room, can we do some lockdown decorating?"

C: "Yes if we must. I'm going to do some racing on the sim and stream with a few of the guys today if you want to join."

I wasn't sure about this - since my accident and leaving F3 I've not been very active on social media or engaged in my online platforms like I used to, it wasn't a big deal to Charles but it was to me. Opening yourself up to the public is scary, and even though tons of people are aware of mine and Charles friendship, there's always a ton of assumptions and hate.

I decide to agree but say I'm going to sit off camera and just watch the guys stream instead.

The stream begins and they're all about to play the new F1 game, it's Charles, Lando, Alex & George.

I'd never seen Lando before, he'd already done over a year in F1 at this point but I'd been so engrossed in my own things that I'd been a little awol from the sport the last year or so.

He was beautiful. I couldn't keep my eyes off him the whole stream. I think Charles began to notice and I couldn't tell exactly what his reaction was but he kept making a few remarks.

C: "I'm here with my best friend Lilly, does the chat want her to come on camera?"

I kick him under the desk out of sight rapidly shaking my head to signal NO.

I'm seeing the chat go crazy and he swings the camera around, not wanting to embarrass myself and run away I just sit and wave and say hi to the chat.

C: "Do you want to say hi to Lando to Lil?"

My face goes visibly red - why is he doing this? Charles was never the type to put me in a situation where I'd be embarrassed or uncomfortable, even if it was just a joke.

I laugh and say hi to all the guys on the stream, making sure to follow it up with a glare at Charles so he knew I wasn't happy.

A little later into the stream i see Lando smirk at his phone then Charles suddenly receives a message - 'Lando' I see on his phone screen.

Charles looks almost slightly annoyed but then shows me his phone screen which reads "pass on my number to Lilly, or does she have a boyfriend?"

I can't lie - he's so hot and i think I'd absolutely date Lando, but something was strange with how Charles was acting and I needed to ask him what was going on.

The streak ended and straight away I say "What was all that about Charles?!"

C: "i don't know what it is you're asking about?"

L: "putting me on the camera when I said no, then telling me to say hi to only Lando clearly insinuating that I have a thing for him, then looking pissed off at me when he asked for my number, what is going on with you?!"

C: "I didn't mean to upset you I'd never intentionally do that, I just don't want you going for a guy like Lando, that's the only reason I reacted like that when he asked if you were single, he dates so many girls I don't want you to just be another one on his list."

L: "That's not your decision to make, or attempt to embarrass me in the process, I'm going to bed."

I quickly walk into Charles room - he hadn't finished building the bed in my room, he slept on the sofa lastnight and he can spend one more there.

I don't know why I was so angry but I was, I think part of me was angry because I felt Charles didn't think I was good enough. If he felt I was just going to be another girl on Lando's list - is that what he thought my value was?

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