I'm disgusting.
Sleeping with both Charles and Lando within the space of 24 hours, why am I like this? Why do I continuously make one bad decision after another. Im the physical embodiment of self sabotage.
But for once, I feel no regret.
It feels horrible even thinking that, but it's true.
It wasn't spur of the moment, and yes - it may have taken being angry with Charles that pushed me to come here, but I'd been trying my hardest and finding excuses to not give into Lando for a while now.
"Good morning beautiful." Pulling me close to him as we lay in bed, taking one of my legs and lifting it around his waist as we face one another.
Before the events of last night occurred, I really thought I just lusted after Lando, I thought maybe if anything ever happened between us then it would be out of my system and I could just move on. Whatever this is its very much - in my system, all of it.
"Good morning" I can't help but kiss him. Slowly and passionately, it's soft and gentle and so intimate.
But I can't just jump back and forth from Charles to Lando like this - and I can't just hurt the people around me. No part of my body wants to leave Lando's bed but hiding in here ignoring my reality forever isn't an option. I need to leave.
"Lando I really have to go, I don't regret this at all but I do need to speak to Charles and figure out what's going on." I say, reluctantly getting out of bed as I begin putting my clothes back on.
"Ok that's fine." He says, standing behind me as I dress, planting a kiss on my shoulder. "Tell me something before you go" he whispers, still lightly kissing my shoulder... "Does he make you feel as good as I do?"
What is this man doing to me. I almost dropped to the floor right there and then. And the truth was - no one had ever made me feel how Lando did.
"Lando I really need to go." Kissing him one last time I manage to retract my lips from his and leave the hotel room, closing the door behind me. I have to just stand for a moment, my back to the door, eyes closed in the hotel corridor as I gather my breath. - that wasn't easy.
Unlocking my phone to call a taxi, that's when i notice the 30 missed calls from Charles.
It was too late.
Then I see ALL the notifications, I didn't want to look at them - I already know, I've already seen. But I click anyway. Hoping that seeing it again would make me feel somewhat better about what I'd done - it was just the opposite.
"Untrue rumour - Leclerc ex not pregnant"
"Leclerc speaks out about ex's social media hack"
"Sine denies pregnancy rumours - vicious rumour"
Oh my god. She's not pregnant?
Fuck.
The instant relief that washes over me knowing he isn't having a child with her is so overwhelming I'm not sure how to feel about it. But it doesn't change what's happened.
SHIT.
It's 8am - I need to be back at the Rodin Carlin factory in an hour for my media day. My emotions are so heightened right now, I need to keep it together and get through today. It's so, so important that this goes well.
I can't call Charles yet, this conversation isn't one that can be had over the phone. He deserves more than that from me.
I manage to shower and make myself half presentable with ten minutes to spare, arriving at the factory at 08:50 am. No part of me was nervous yesterday to drive, but every part of my body is overwhelmed with nerves right now thinking about answering questions, I know whatever I say is going to be judged and media work just terrifies me.
All I can think about is what people will have to say about me driving in F2 after so much time away, I can already picture the comments about how I don't deserve this seat, and the fear of people not liking me or how I come across. I don't know why I care so much but it's completely terrifying.
Aiden is waiting for me as soon as I enter the main doors, along side him I'm introduced to Leah who's going to talk me through what questions I'll be asked and some brief PR training as a refresher. I'm terrified.
Walking into the first media commitment of the day - a small meeting room, entirely glass walls, one leather chair at the opposite end of the room with a microphone placed in front and 10 journalists sitting opposite. I take a breath, here we go. The questions begin.
"Lilly how do you feel about the upcoming season starting in F2 after having so much time away from racing competitively."
Ok thank god, a question I don't mind answering.
"I'm just excited to get back on the track, I know some time has passed but I feel confident going into this season having completed my first run out in the car, I don't think my time away is going to be any issue."
"Thank you."
"Lilly is it true that the reason you've been given this seat is because of your relationship with Lando Norris? And if so, how do you feel about the potential criticism that might come with this?" Another reporter asks.
Wow. That wasn't on the list of questions I was supposed to be asked.
"No that's untrue, yes Lando was involved in initial contact between the team and I, but the reason I have this seat is because of my driving ability, which I've proven. The team wouldn't have given me a contract and seat without my ability to prove my skill and value behind the wheel." I respond bluntly.
"Lilly we understand you're in a relationship with Charles Leclerc, what level of pressure have the most recent media stories added to your relationship?"
What? This is so off track, none of these questions were supposed to be asked.
"Lilly is it true you dated Lando Norris before Charles leclerc, is there anyone else on the grid you have your eyes on?" One reporter asks before being removed from the room for his inappropriate question.
This is a feeding frenzy.
In the space of 30 minutes I think I answered a total of 6 actual personal and race related questions, every other question was about Lando or Charles.
It didn't seem to be about finding out about me as a driver at all, but more of a deep dive into my love life. I'm here as a driver and it's so disappointing that today has turned out like this.
Instagram message - Lando Norris
Lan: Do you want picking up when you're done? Our flight to Vienna is in 3 hours - that's if you're wanting to travel with me.
Lil: please! Anytime is great I'm done here today, yeah I suppose I'll travel with you - your company isn't that awful
Lan: Coming now, and you've seemed to enjoy my company so far I would say
Lil: You're tolerable I guess... 073*2861*63
Lan: Is this a promotion? No longer lurking in the instagram DM's, I'm honoured baby.
iMessage -
Hi beautiful
As much as hearing him call me baby and beautiful literally gives me butterflies. I also know it's so wrong.
Maybe I need to be on my own for a while without either of them. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
iMessage from Charles -
Hey mon amour we really need to talk. What time do you arrive in Vienna I'll pick you up from the airport?
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YOU ARE READING
DNS
FanfictionThey were drivers, they were best friends. No one was expecting lockdown to happen in 2020, and Lilly and Charles certainly weren't expecting for their story to turn out like this.
