Flickering lights above are the first thing I see as slowly I open my eyes. My ears are ringing, everything I can hear sounds distant as if I were under water. Just able to move my eyes around to take in my surroundings, I realise I'm in a hospital bed.
Catching sight of my race suit draped over a chair next to me, completely cut up - Flashes of memory flood back to me as I remember the crash and what happened. They must have needed to cut me from my suit.
Barely able to turn my neck to the left on the other side of the room from the suit and chair, is another chair - Charles sitting in it, awkwardly propped up on his elbow asleep. He's here. I'm so happy he's here.
The tightness in my chest as I try and take a deep breath feels as if I were being stabbed from the inside out. A shooting pain as I try lift my hospital gown up above my ribs to see what damage I have, the right hand side of my body - especially my ribs, are beginning to turn a dark shade of purple.
I can still move and other than aching pain and what looks like deep bruising, I somehow don't think I've broken anything. Perhaps a couple of ribs given the breathing pain, but other than that I just feel completely bruised and aching.
Now all I can think about is the race. I hope this isn't looked upon and twisted into something it's not, where the topic of conversation is about me not being good enough and crashing in the first race back.
It was nothing to do with skill, and the crash was not my fault whatsoever, so I pray people understand that and that I can recover and get back out for the next race. It's not for another three weeks so I should be fine - if my only issue is bruising that is.
Charles eyelashes softly flutter as he begins to open his eyes. The moment he realises I'm awake he dashes to the side of my bed.
'Lilly!!! Wrapping his arms around me, filled with relief and happiness that I'm ok. I groan and twitch a little as he squeezes me tightly putting pressure on my bruises.
"Oh my god I'm sorry." He says as he releases me from his grip.
"I was so worried you weren't going to be ok, the crash was awful - but you've had worse to be honest." He jokes, trying to make light of the situation.
"Don't make me laugh please it hurts." I smile at him.
"Am I ok? Has anyone told you anything about my injuries? I feel ok just bruised and weak." I ask him.
"No they wouldn't tell me anything without your permission so I've been sat here with no idea, you hadn't changed your medical contact from your dad so I couldn't get any information at all. I'll go get a nurse now."
"No... wait, Charles!" Grabbing his arm before he was able to leave the room.
"Please just stay here with me, just me and you for a while. I need you to know how much I've missed you, and how much I wish I could turn back time. I wish none of this ever happened Charles." I need him to know how much I truly mean it.
"I wish none of it ever happened either, I wish you would have just told me the truth about how you were feeling, that's what hurt me the most - you never lie to me, and you lied to me." His voice turning again slightly more towards anger as he continues...
"I love you. I still love you and I'll never not love you, that's what's harder. I'll never be able to trust that you love me how you say you do".
"Charles please just believe me, I know it should never have taken this for me to realise but there's nothing in this world I want more than having you in my life. I love you. But please, even if you can't trust me to be in a relationship with you - please don't cut me out of your life as a friend."
"Lil we could never just be friends again, we can't go back to how things were, you know that right?"
"Maybe things don't have to go back to how they were, I don't know what things are going to be like Charles but I know I need you in my life, I've missed you every single day." I plead with him.
"I've missed you to. So much. You have no idea how hard it's been to not pick up my phone and call you. I've had to stop myself every day out of pride, you really hurt me Lil."
This breaks me, I caused all of his hurt. And he still loved me.
Charles' whole facial expressions change in a split second as he glances towards the door of my room. His eyebrows narrow to a frown and I can see the rage on his face.
Lando is standing at the door.
"Lilly what do you want, do you want me to tell him to leave?" He asks.
I know that's what Charles wants, I can tell he wants me to tell Lando to leave. If I do is this going to fix things with me and Charles? Will that show him I'm serious about him. I'd not spoken to Lando since the day Charles left me, but I suppose he also wouldn't know that.
But I don't want to tell Lando to leave. He deserves an explanation from me.
"Charles I haven't spoken a word to him since Austin I promise you that, I've ignored him completely and he at least deserves an explanation from me, I need to give him that."
As much as I can see he is angered, I know he understands. His face softens as I explain, before he gets up and leaves the room, walking out of the door and straight past Lando.
Lando then cautiously enters my room, sitting down next to me on the chair. "Hey, how are you feeling? The crash looked nasty." He says.
"I don't feel great but it could have been much worse." I respond.
"Look Lando I'm really sorry for going AWOL these last couple of months, It wasn't the right way to go about things at all just leaving you in the dark." I say.
"I just don't understand what happened, I thought you felt the same way about me and then you just completely blanked me?."
"I just messed everything up and I don't have any other excuse for it, nothing should have happened between us when I was still with Charles, he found out and it broke his heart Lando and that's not the kind of person I want to be." I respond.
"I'm glad you wore the helmet."
"Of course I did, just because it wasn't the right thing to do by continuing things with you, doesn't mean I didn't want to - that was the issue. I'm an issue when you're around me."
He takes my hand in his, as we both look at each other in a way where we know it's over, it's sad because part of me still wants him in my life, but I know that can never happen - I need to do everything in my power to fix things with Charles.
He releases his grip from my hands as a tall nurse, wearing a mask and carrying a clipboard enters the room, closely followed by Charles.
"Hi miss Walker how are you feeling." She asks.
"I could be better but I suppose it could be a lot worse, what injuries do I have?" I ask.
"So, you've been extremely lucky, you have 2 broken ribs and some deep bruising along the right hand side of your body that's going to take a couple of weeks before you're back up and in full health, you will have some short term muscle damage..."
She continues speaking but I'm barely listening, all I feel is relief at the moment, thank god it wasn't more serious. I should be back racing in F2 in no time - I can't let this impact my racing career.
"And you'll be pleased to know the baby is fine."
...
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YOU ARE READING
DNS
FanfictionThey were drivers, they were best friends. No one was expecting lockdown to happen in 2020, and Lilly and Charles certainly weren't expecting for their story to turn out like this.
