DNS

Part 26 - Crashing down

I wander back into Lando's kitchen, he's sat with a huge smirk on his face, knowing he has the confirmation of my affection towards him. I'm completely torn.

The love I have for Charles is something I think I've always had, and I've always wanted him - and now I've finally got what I wanted, is it what I've actually wanted all this time or is it just something I thought I wanted?

I don't even have the answers myself but I know I've crossed a line there's no coming back from, maybe Charles was right. Thinking back to his words, maybe we shouldn't have crossed the line - because right now I fear I've not only ruined my relationship with Charles, but I could have also lost my friendship with him.

I look at Lando, he walks towards me across the room gripping my waist. "I can see you're not ok, but I won't say anything about this don't worry. If you want to continue you're relationship with Charles, or whatever it is you have going on with him, I won't say a word." As he kisses me again.

"You're making this so hard Lando."

"That wasn't my intention, if you want Charles I understand, I know you have history with him. But just to make it clear - I want you and I mean it."

Fuck.

In this moment I actually don't know what I want. All my life I've thought I wanted Charles, and now Lando is here in front of me telling me that he wants me, I really have no idea what it is I actually want. I love Charles with all my heart, but part of me is lusting for Lando. But is that all it is, lust?

Is he just an easy escape for everything I'm dealing with right now, is he just making me feel good in the moment, or is it something more? Right now I have no idea but I know what I'm doing is wrong.

*Lando's phone is ringing - Charles*

"Do you want me to answer this? He's called twice.

"Ok answer and see what he says please." I say.

Lando answers the phone, putting it on speaker.

"Mate are you with Lilly, answer me honestly right now. What is going on? I need to know." I hear Charles say.

"She's here with me now, she was waiting for a response to your message before her phone died. She saw the photos of you and Charlotte and if you're going to shout at her about being seen with me then I'm not passing her the phone mate, but if you have anything else to say to her I'll put her on." He says bluntly.

I smile at him thankful for his response.

"Why are you two even together it doesn't make any fucking sense, put her on the phone now or I'm coming to get her." Charles shouts.

"Mate I'm not putting her on the phone for you to shout at her, we bumped into each other yesterday and I asked her out for lunch today, she would have been home already if it wasn't for seeing the photos of you out with your ex girlfriend when you were supposed to be training." Lando responds.

"Lando this has nothing to do with you mate so put her on the phone now, or I'm coming to get her."

"Good luck with that, I've moved house mate so you have no idea where to come and get her from, and if you think you can speak to her like this you can fuck off mate." Lando snaps.

I glare at him, I don't know what to do or say but part of me feels really good that he's got my back in this situation, I feel like he's completely on my side. I know this must be putting him in an awkward situation too given that he's on the grid with Charles.

"Are you serious" Charles shouts. "Mate if you don't put her on the phone right now, or if she doesn't respond to me, tell her we're done."

Lando puts the phone down.

"Do you want to call him and sort this out, I totally understand if you do." He says.

I actually don't want to, I can't even explain it - I'm so mad at how he's been speaking to Lando and how he's talking about me as if I've completely betrayed him - I mean I absolutely have but he doesn't even know that and this is how he's speaking.

I turn my phone back on.

28 missed calls - Charles.

"Lando I'm going to call him back" I say reluctantly.

*Calls Charles.

Before I can say a word he answers the phone. "Tell me where you are right now, I'm coming to get you. Why would you do this I don't understand, are you trying to hurt me and piss me off because you saw the photo with Charlotte?"

"Charles why were you even with her, you're shouting at me about being with Lando but not once have you even attempted to tell me why you were with Charlotte today." I say.

"Lilly why the fuck are you with Lando, I'll explain everything about why I was with Charlotte today, I saw her for less than 15 minutes but what are you doing? Are you trying to punish me or something i don't understand." He sounds broken.

"I'm not going to do this over the phone, and don't dare speak to me like this please Charles, and please don't speak to Lando like that when he's done nothing wrong. I'll come home in 30 minutes and we can talk about this face to face ok." I ask.

"If you're not home in 30 mins, you can get your things and leave. Of all people amour your with him. Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, you know how much this would hurt me."

He's right. I can't even defend myself here because he's absolutely right. Regardless of what he has or hasn't done, I'm the one in the wrong here and I don't know how to fix this.

"Lando I'm sorry, thank you for tonight but I'm going to leave, I need to."

"That's fine - do you want me to drive you to Charles' apartment." He asks.

"I really don't think that's a good idea, I'll call a taxi if that's ok." I say.

"Sure I'll call you one. Let me know when you're back and that you're ok, if he speaks to you like that when you get back - call me and I'll come pick you up - and I mean it Lilly." He says sternly.

"I will, thank you for tonight Lando." I leave and wait outside for the taxi, sat in the cold air with complete silence I take a moment to think about the decisions I've made tonight. I'm completely in the wrong and I know that, but I don't know what I want anymore.

I feel so lost.

What do I do?

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What do you guys think? What's Lilly's next move? Thank you for reading ❤️