DNS

Part 3 - Lilly

March 2020

I love living in Monte Carlo. It never used to feel like home to me, but now I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. It can be calm yet busy, exiting yet relaxing. Behind all of the wealth and luxury, the people - that's the real Monaco.

I don't really remember all that much about Manchester or England and I've never been back since moving here so many years ago - my dad jokingly tells me that's probably for the best, so I'll assume from his tone that it wasn't the nicest place in the world.

At 21 i still don't really know what I'm doing with my life, I really thought I'd have it all figured out by now but I guess sometimes things just don't go to plan.

I had plans set in place but it's now allover the news that we're going to have to go into lockdown and stay indoors because of the COVID-19 virus. No one seems to know an awful lot about it, or what's going on around the world other than an every growing death toll number, it's actually pretty scary - things seem to be escalating daily.

Message from Dad -
Hi darling how are you? I'm not l sure when I'm going to get back home, they've closed the boarders and I'm stuck at the moment but don't you worry it's not going to last.

My Dad has been working in Austin in the USA for the last month and was supposed to be due back home tomorrow. I just hope he's ok, things seem much worse over there than here at the moment, I just hope he manages to get home.

As selfish as it sounds I just really don't want to be alone during this lockdown. I struggle being in my own head sometimes and without knowing how long this is going to last, I'm already worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet, why am I like this?!

I message Charles.
Hellooo, Please say you're at home!? Can I come stay with you during this lockdown until my Dads back home, he's stuck in the US and I really don't wanna be in the house on my own for however long this is going to last! xx

Reply -

Of course you can. Pick you up in 30 mins, grab what things you need x

Charles and I have been best friends since I was probably about 10 years old, I'd finally managed to persuade my Dad to take me karting and that's where I met him.

I didn't have any friends here at the time, I couldn't speak more than a few words of French but that didn't matter when we were karting. The first day I was there he had crashed into me three times, which were clearly on purpose as I could already tell he was the best driver on the track from watching a previous session.

I remember calling him stupid and asking if he had ever driven a cart before and asking if he was trying to kill me, he responded by saying that I was the stupid one and I was trying to kill him. The only thing I took from this interaction was that he spoke English and I was so happy to have been able to have a conversation with someone my age, even if it was just a back and forth of insults.

From here on out we would practice almost every day together, we quickly became friends and he's always looked out for me.

Charles now drives in F1 for Ferrari which was always his dream, he flew through the ranks and was F3 and F2 champion and he really is the best driver on the grid, he just has this fire and desire to win inside of him, I've seen it since we were kids - his only dream is to be World Champion, Make his father proud, and show the world that he's capable of it. Which I know he is.

I never pursued racing any further - I was 18 in F3. It was wet conditions, wet to the point we really shouldn't have been driving. All I remember is fear, and that's when I knew I couldn't race anymore.

Never had I been scared while on the track, I loved every minute of it. It was all I'd done for most of my life, but this day just changed it all.

I hit what I can only describe as a small lake coming off the apex of a corner leading me to spin and flip over and over again, I didn't know at the time but my car had flipped a total of 9 times before smashing into the tyre barriers. I just remember thinking - this is it.

I woke up in hospital, lucky to have survived the incident. I'm thankful just to be here, i was only left with some awful scars on my thighs and hips from pieces of the car piercing my skin from the impact of hitting the tyre wall.

I still love racing, and everything to do with the sport, but I can't race myself anymore. And it terrifies me watching Charles push so hard sometimes.

Charles calling -
"Lil I'm outside".

"Shit! two minutes, I'll be down in a second."

I scramble around throwing clothes into a suitcase, having been totally sidetracked sat doing ultimately nothing for the last 30 minutes laid on my bed.

lockdown officially begins tomorrow.

————————————————————————