DNS

Part 15 - Saying goodbye

I don't know how Charles managed to do it all, and I don't think I'll ever be able to express to him how thankful I am to have him in my life, or how I don't think I'd have been able to go on had it not been for him stepping in.

Being back in Manchester felt almost right in a strange way, I'd never thought of anywhere else as home other than Monte Carlo for so long, but a rush of buried memories started to emerge as we walked along the street to the graveyard. A sense of familiarity and comfort.

Flashbacks of coming here as a child with my Dad, sitting and talking to her grave together, bringing flowers weekly; and remembering how difficult it was for him to say goodbye to her when we decided to leave the country.

My Dad never re-married after my Mums passing, I don't remember him ever even having another girlfriend, and as much as I was breaking inside and trying to come to terms with the fact he was no longer here, I felt nothing but an overwhelming sense of peace as his coffin was lowered into the ground, knowing he was back here, and back with her.

Charles' hand interlocked with mine, clenching so tightly I think I might break his fingers. We each drop in a white rose, my Dads favourites, the soil begins to cover the coffin and I say a few words. A few words was all I had.

I couldn't gather the words to say all the things I should have in that moment, the sudden certainty of the situation completely swallowed me up.

This was goodbye.

Hours passed before I was able to leave that graveyard, the thought of being torn between two places without the ability to just visit his grave and talk to him or bring flowers was all I could think about.

I'm glad he's buried here with my Mum, this was their home, but Monaco is mine and I need to go back and face whatever was to be my new reality.

A hand is placed on my cheek, with his forehead touching mine, "Let's go home" Charles whispers softly, just his presence felt like home to me.

We make our way back to the airport and I really should have brought a coat, neither of us were even wearing a light jacket and northern England is pretty much arctic in comparison to Monaco.

I however am coping far better than Charles, he is physically shaking and dramatically pretending to make his teeth chatter, I can't help but laugh.

"I am sooooooo cold, this is not normal weather it cannot be" his words fall off his lips trying to get the sentence out as fast as possible, his accent is so strong when he's rushing and not focused, it's beautiful.

This man skis in the mountains of Italy but can't handle the brisk air of Manchester.

We eventually arrive back at the airport and there seems to be noticeably more people here, it appears some of the COVID restrictions are slightly relaxing, some EU countries are allowing travel to and from the UK, but inside looks like some sort of dystopian movie as we move through the airport. Masks everywhere, a metre gap in between everyone as we march like ants around a carefully planned queuing system.

Finally making our way up the stairs and onto the plane, I feel exhausted. Something about being around so many people in public just felt extremely strange after isolating for so long, it's going to take some getting used to.

I think Charles is quite enjoying this new reality at the moment, wearing the mask seems to have made him less recognisable in public, and because of COVID, the times he has been recognised people have been reluctant to Bombard or get very close.

We're finally in the air.

C: "I think we need to talk about what happened between us Mon amour".

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