DNS

Part 9 - Family

Burning.

I smell burning as I walk into the kitchen from my room with Charles, well technically Charles' room but I've recently claimed it my own since he's still not built the bed in the spare room.

Pasta is burning on the stove - only he could manage to burn pasta.

We both begin to laugh and I attempt to save the pan, it's the only one he has in this apartment which confirms how much I know he doesn't cook. Not many restaurants or food delivery places are open in Monaco during the lockdown and I've quickly realised if we're going to eat, i'm going to need to cook: and we're going to need some actual utensils.

L: "Ok what else do we have in here? (nothing) we're going to need to get some shopping delivered or we will starve Charles."

Charles laughs, knowing there's nothing in this house except some milk and cheese which I think has also gone bad by now.

My mind takes me back to a dinner we had when we were 17, his family and mine. We spent a few Christmas's together growing up after becoming so close, his father and mine became close.

He had asked his mum to help with something and for the first time she had let him, and he ended up burning that aswell, it makes me laugh thinking back to it but I realise a sudden sadness in his eyes as I speak about that time.

I'm so stupid, it completely slipped my mind that that was the last Christmas we had spent together before his fathers passing.

Charles father passed just before he started with Ferrari in F1, they were extremely close and it hurt him a lot when his father died, he would never show it though. Charles didn't speak about his feelings very often, I think he saw emotion as a weakness sometimes and that if he showed vulnerability that he somehow wasn't strong enough.

Seeing the sadness cross his face i immediately wrapped my arms around him, tears in his eyes - the first time I've ever seen him open up and be vulnerable with me, with anyone.

L: "Charles he would be so proud of you, you need to realise how much you're enough, more than enough. I'm sorry."

He didn't respond, he just hugged me tighter and started to cry into my shoulder, not wanting to show the tears streaming down his face. I wish I knew what to do in this moment, I wish I knew what I could do to take his pain away.

I hold him as tight as I can.
"Let's go to bed" I say.

He looks at me a little confused, I just hold his hand and walk towards his bedroom, there's no way he's staying alone tonight, I'm going to have to control my feelings but right now he needs me.

We both get into his bed facing one another, i kiss his forehead and wrap my arms around him, regardless of my feelings I really don't care about anyone in this world as much as I care about him, and I just want him to feel ok in this moment.

I notice the sadness is gone from his eyes, he's looking at me and it's not like a friend, it's not like lust this time either, it's peace: he's looking at me like I'm just everything to him. I've never felt so at ease.

"Goodnight Mon Amour" - this time I say.

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