DNS

Part 21 - Box, box.

I have no idea what I was thinking saying that to Lando, my cheeks are pink and it felt like a little bit of harmless flirting, but if I give him my number with the intention of something happening then I'm certainly crossing a line. As much as I'm mad at Charles, Im completely in love with him and don't want to mess things up by doing something as stupid as giving Lando my number.

Approaching the unit, number 15 - I realise it's huge, much bigger than the other units around, at least 3 times the size. Id probably say it's about the same size as 2 shipping containers. I'm overwhelmed with nerves but I place the key into the padlock, I turn it waiting for a click before I begin lifting the door.

The lights from inside the unit turn on one by one as I'm lifting the door, and I drop to my knees before I have it even half way open.

I have no words and my whole body is in shock. I didn't know what to expect but it certainly wasn't this, but I know exactly why he's done this, and I'm missing him so so much right now.

Unit 15. My driver number. My car, or what was left of it that I crashed in, all my race suits, helmets, trophies, photos - everything. Everything I wanted to be rid of after my accident, all stored in here staged as if it were a museum.

Just needing to control my breathing and tears for a moment, I sit on the ground taking it all in. The smell, the memories, my first podium win trophy from F3 taking centre stage on its own table - the best day of my racing career. Then I notice an envelope taped to the back of the trophy. Another deep breath before I open it.

"I hope it doesn't take too long for you to find your love again, never let fear hold you back from living my darling, and never give up on something you want.
You've faced more loss and change in life than I'd have ever hoped for, but you overcome it none the less, continue to do so always. Live the best life you can, make mistakes, take risks, do things that fill you with happiness - I love you dearly poppet."

I hear his voice speak every word as I'm reading, i feel such a sense of comfort in this moment, but I cannot breathe. I can't stop the tears, my heart is racing and i can't control my breathing at all, Im feeling dizzy and begin panting so so heavy just trying to catch any breath that I can, i'm panicking and I don't know how to make it stop.

"Lilly breathe, look at me - HEY look at me."

"Just breathe with me, focus on my breathing and breathe with me".

He comes out of nowhere kneeling on the floor with me, just holding his hands on either side of my face counting and breathing slowly until my breath eventually falls into sync with his, wiping the tears from my face. I start to gradually calm down, that was terrifying for a moment, it felt like I was just going to stop breathing completely, like my body was giving up on me.

"Crying because you've only got one race win trophy in here seems a awfully dramatic." Immediately cutting through the atmosphere bringing me to a laugh.

"No but seriously, are you ok?" He says.

"I am now, thank you for being here."

"Anytime, I was actually waiting around the corner for our race back to the city, then I heard some sort of screaming dying animal, wanted to make sure you weren't being attacked." He can't keep the smirk off his face as he says it.

A smile beaming across my face as I slap his arm.

"So what's all this? I know you used to race, is this why you stopped." Pointing at the wreck of what was my car.

"Yeah it is, I just couldn't get back into a race car again - actually I didn't even try, I really thought I was going to die I didn't feel in control of my car anymore, it's the first time I felt like I wasn't good enough and if I'm not good enough to control my own car then I shouldn't be on a track."

I've never spoken to anyone about my accident or how it impacted me with full honesty other than my Dad, but for some reason I feel so comfortable opening up to Lando, I'm unsure whether it's because of him, or because of where we are.

"If you weren't good enough to be in it you wouldn't have been in it in the first place, you wouldn't have had a seat. Besides I've seen you're driving and I'd say you're almost as good as me." He smirks and looks away almost shyly.

"I found out my Dad left me all of this a few hours ago Lando, I didn't know he'd even kept any of it. Or what to expect when I got here." I pass him the note and can see his eyes scanning intently taking in every word.

He doesn't speak, I just feel his fingers interlock with mine while he holds my hand comforting me, "He obviously loved you a lot." A warmth and understanding in his eyes.

"I think we should get back before it's too dark to see on these roads, you know there's no streetlights right?." He says.

He has no idea how well I know these roads, I'm pretty confident I'll beat him back by a good ten minutes.

"Or I'll stay here with you a while longer if you would like to." As much as I'd quite like to stay here with him sat in this unit a while longer, I think It is definitely time to leave. I'm so emotionally drained, so much has happened in one day.

"Yeah I think we should get going back into town."

"Bet still on?" He asks with a wink.

"Lando I have to be honest with you, I'm not really sure what's going on between me and Charles at the moment but we're involved and I don't want to give you the wrong idea."

"I didn't hear you say no."

I can't do anything but blush, "Let's go it's getting late, we will see."

—————————————————————————