Lucifer : Tainted | Woosan

22: "Que Sera, Sera" (San)

A/N: I am so, so sorry for the delay. The country I live in is in a bit of a...predicament at the moment, so writing currently has been pushed to the bottom of my to-do list. I literally had no ideas.

But I'm not giving up on this, and although the updates won't be consistent, they will still occur as long as I'm alive.

"Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be."
    Que sera- Doris Day, Frank DeVol

San POV:

Things haven’t been all that bad the last couple weeks.

Excluding Wooyoung getting in the hospital and scaring the living shit out of me, as well as the minor setback I had had when Hongjoong attacked me, I was actually doing well. The only thing that had been getting worse was my eating disorder- right when I’d thought it was going away. That was no surprise, really.

But now it seems everything is once again slowly going to shit.

I’d completely lost it yesterday.

One of the things I had been afraid of most had happened, and I hadn’t even been there to protect Yunho from it. Yunho, from whom none of us had heard any word from since he’d gotten sent home. At that point I had decided there was really no point to control myself anymore. It had benefited no one yet.

So I hadn’t. And it resulted with Hongjoong being rushed to the hospital from an internal injury and a serious wound from where I had bitten off his ear- which frankly I didn’t remember but apparently it had happened.

Did I regret it? No. I would one hundred percent do it again.

But do I wish I’d thought about the consequences first? Yes. Because without a doubt, this school will not accept me anymore. Expulsion will be the only result of this. And moving to a new school, although I hate this one with a burning passion, is not on my bucket list.

Even worse, I’d broken down in front of the whole class. I couldn’t help it- Hongjoong’s words had brought back memories, memories I had buried deep in the darkest recesses of my mind, planning for it to stay that way forever. But he’d had other plans.

I’d also made an utter fool of myself by thinking exposing him with my words was going to do something.

But at the end, the “lunatic”, the “mentally ill”, the “possessed” and “demonic” was always going to be me no matter what.

I don’t want to think about it or remember it- the last thing I need right now is to relapse when I’d sworn to myself it won’t happen again. Though I probably deserve it.

At the moment I am supposed to be sitting in the principal’s office with my parents, discussing my abhorrent, repulsive behavior. But my parents, though they’d heard about the situation (the town wouldn’t shut up about it), were as usual,  both too busy, though undoubtedly livid. I don’t know what exactly to expect when they come home from work, but I do know I’m fucked.

I return my attention to my current activity- listening in to the principal’s conversation with my mother over the phone. I’ve always wondered why Mr. Kim never bothered to install blinds in his office windows, or curtains at the least, because anyone could see into his office at any time. Not that he ever cared, it seemed. Neither did he care that anyone could hear every single word being said in the room from hundreds of meters away. But now it only served to my benefit.

“Miss Yeji, I don’t quite think you understand the gravity and seriousness of this situation- No, but I’m sure you are aware that he bit off the student’s ear, bruised him up real bad, tore off a good amount of his hair. Oh and I’m pretty sure he’d suffered some serious internal injury from the way your son was a-going at him.”