Chapter 22
Cold
I never wanted to leave, but being in that city suffocates me.
Hindi ko gustong umalis. But I have no choice, I need to save myself. I knew it wasn't the best idea, but at that moment, I thought it was... I should've just asked Aello for help, but I don't want to add to his burden. He was already grieving, and now I'll run to him? That will just drown him more. Leaving was the right option, leaving was the only thing that would save me, save the both of us.
The bus drove me to a far away city. I rode 5 more buses. Until I was satisfied. Hanggang sa tingin ko ay hindi na ako makikita. People on that bus helped me, they bought me new clothes, and they wanted to help me ask for help from the police, but I knew my Tito, he would get away with it, and reporting might put me in danger again. And the only thing I thought that would save me was running away- from everyone.
Hindi ko alam kung paano akong nabuhay muli. I thought it was the end of everything. I thought I would die. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nakayanan ang mabuhay sa kalsada.
For a year, I lived hiding in some shadow. The fear of being noticed is chasing me, the fear of being seen is chasing me. Takot na takot akong makita ang Tito Edrik ko, takot ako na baka hinahanap niya ako, na baka makita ko siya, na baka makita niya ako. I was in the middle of the road, hugging myself and running from something that was chasing me. I am crazy. Nothing was chasing me. Nothing was behind me. I was scared that I thought there was nothing but it was already holding my feet. I hid from everyone, kaya kahit paghingi ng tulong ay hindi ko magawa.
And it dawned on me. I am alone. On days when I am not running, I am crying. In the middle of the road, I hugged myself, pitying myself for being alone.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko na kayang mabuhay. Sa mga araw na umiiyak ako at tumatakbo, hinihiling ko na sana kunin na lang ako ng panginoon. Lahat ng kinatatakutan ko ay nangyari na. Wala na akong pamilya, wala na akong bahay, wala na akong matatakbuhan, walang-wala na ako, nag-iisa, at walang masasandalan. Even the family I used to have doesn't like me anymore.
This was very different from the life I used to have. I might feel lonely, but I have family. I have someone I thought I could run to whenever I needed help. I have my friends, And I have Aello. I wasn't very lonely, but now. This isn't the life I wanted, my life worsened every day.
My mga araw na hindi ko kayang kumain. At mga araw na hindi ako makatulog. Living in the street is dangerous. I always need to find a crowded place and stay up until the day. And when it's daytime, I'll sleep in that crowded place. Sa unang araw ko sa bagong syudad ay ninakawan agad ako. Ang wallet ni Julie, hindi ko alam kung saan iyon napunta.
My life is now fucked up. I was about to try selling my body, to try and live. But thankfully, I don't have any good clothes to appeal to myself... Kaya sa tingin ko ay wala na talaga akong pag-asa.
Handa na akong mamatay. Handa na akong mawala sa mundo. On the highway of an unfamiliar city, I stand, waiting to be hit by a fast-driving car.
I was ready to lose myself
By some miracle, A middle-aged woman dragged me out of the road. Dinala niya ako sa kanyang tahanan. I stayed with her for months, and we celebrated my birthday together. She brought me new clothes and became my new family. And we fly to Manila. She brought me to her real home. A home that is familiar to me.
"Maganda kaya para sa kalusugan ang gulay!" Kitty pouted his small lips.
"Ate, ang pangit ng lasa," She said.
BINABASA MO ANG
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