Chapter 32
Memory
No matter how hard you try it still isn't enough. You're still not destined to be what you worked hard for. The effort is still not enough. Not enough.
Kahit anong pagod, tiniis. Kahit sobrang hirap, tiniis. Bakit kulang pa rin? I thought I gave everything. I sacrificed a lot! I haven't watched new anime and kdrama! I spent my time studying. I spent my days, studying. There is no day that I didn't waste.
"Aruna, Kailangan mo ng pumasok" Nanay Nelma knocked several times on my door.
Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin sa orasan. It's 7:00 AM. I haven't had a sleep yet, I was up all night studying.
"Opo!" I said, acting as if I just woke up.
When she told me I just needed to finish school I knew what it meant. I have to work hard and make her money worth it. Kahit hindi niya sabihin alam ko. I don't want her to throw me out if she's disappointed with my grades.
After seeing me on the streets she brought me home, dressed me up, and is now wasting her money on sending me to school. Even though I have a scholarship she still gives me baon.
I was so grateful she found me. I am happy nakilala ko siya. I don't want her to dislike me just because she realizes how stupid I am, and that she cannot invest in me. And I'll be all left alone in the streets again.
I will be forever grateful but at those times I was scared.
She's nothing like my family. She was different. She was kind, soft, understanding, sweet, and very nice things, but people change. And I don't want him to change. I don't want her to hate me too.
"Anak, Okay ka lang ba?" She asked. Tumango ako at umiwas ng tingin.
"Opo,"
"Naku, ang sipag mo talaga mag aral!"
"Aalis na po ako, maraming salamat po,"
"Nag agahan ka na ba?" Tanong niya gamit ang pinaka-sweet niyang boses. Just like how she talks to the kids. "Kumain ka muna, pangit pag walang laman ang katawan. Baka magkasakit ka, malulungkot ako" She pouted.
"Okay lang po ako, mali-late na rin po kasi ako, sa school na lang po ako kakain" Tumango siya.
"Mag-ingat ka ha! Bibisita ako sa mga anak ko kaya baka wala ako dito pag uwi mo"
What does it feel like to have her as a mother? To have the sweetest person to be your mother?
They must be so special, for them to have her. Gusto ko rin, gusto ko rin siyang maging nanay. I want to let my guard down to her, but I know I can't, hindi ko pa siya masyadong kilala. She's new to me. I still can't trust her.
I'm gonna finish my studies, save and save money, then move out of here.
I will be alone but it's okay. I can do it, I will be okay.
"Kaya mo na ba dito?" Kerlee asked me while heading to the door. "Medyo maliit"
"I know. Lilipat ako sa medyo malaki pag may ipon na, ang mahal kasi ng ibang apartment na napuntahan ko, ito lang pasok sa budget, medyo malapit sa main city" sagot ko.
"Meron naman mas lapit doon na mga kwarto, ah? Mas mabuti pa, kesa dito, di ako sure sa mga tambay diyan sa baba noh! at ang mga ibang nakatira dito? maayos ba? baka mamaya kung ano pa ang gawin sayo"
"Okay lang ako, Kerlee. Kaya ko ang sarili ko, kaya wag ka nang mag-alala sa akin. Kung may mangyari man, ikaw agad ang tatawagan ko"
"At bakit ka ma umalis ha!?" She exclaimed. "Pwede ka naman roon, maganda pa ang kwarto mo, ipapa hatid sundo ka pa ni Ma'am"
BINABASA MO ANG
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