Author's Note: WARNING! This chapter deals with mostly all of the dark/potentially triggering themes that have been strewn throughout this fanfic (self-image, sexual content, anxiety, depression, etc). Just know that, I PROMISE! This chapter/fanfic has a happy ending. Shoutout to Halsey for playing the Tour/Demo version of 1121 on her If I Can't Have Love I Want Power Tour. The blues and reds in her visuals of the concert helped me decide this final arc and how I would end the story, along with the music and the lyrics. Hang on, y'all. This chapter is the longest one; I hope you enjoy the ride.
***********************************************************************************************
It'd been over a month. Over a month without Rei Todoroki on the planet. And yet Enji had the nerve to still be walking. I was a fucking mess. I couldn't remember the last time I spiraled into my own brain so badly.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Toya. Please let me in," Keigo's voice comes through the door. I'd kept myself locked away in here ever since we got back from the funeral, watching nothing but old Disney movies, wrapped up in a blanket that Keigo had brought me and crying until I was so dehydrated that I couldn't anymore. Disney movies were Mom's favorite. She always forced us to watch them for "family bonding time" as kids; we'd all gather in the living room together while Dad was at work and watch them for hours. Empty cans of beer and Monster Energy are scattered along the floor along with chip bags, candy wrappers, and other things I used to drown out my sadness. I wipe my nose on the blanket as I swaddle myself in it, mumbling the words to "We Don't Talk About Bruno" as the scene plays.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Toya. You can't just stay in there. We're gonna get a review from the Commission if you just drop off the grid. They could have your Hero License revoked," Keigo urges once more through the door. I sigh, blinking away the residual tears from my bloodshot eyes. I hadn't been taking care of myself. I'd never felt so lonely or hopeless in my entire life. I can't believe she's gone. Just like that. I hadn't realized how much I'd really loved her. I hadn't showered. I had only slept maybe an hour a day when I passed out on the giant plush couch. I had barely moved, only dragging myself off the couch to go to the connected bathroom or kitchen...or to jack off until my brain was so clouded that I couldn't concentrate on my reality. I feel disgusting. I am disgusting. I'm pretty sure Kei and Rue had me on suicide watch; Burnin' was probably posted at the security cameras twenty-four-seven, checking to see if I was still breathing. A dark part of me insisted no one cared, but the texts and random appearances of water and blankets whenever I passed out were proof of otherwise. Part of me doesn't care. I want my Mom. She didn't deserve to die. Someone could've stopped the car. Surely, there was some goddamn Quirk that could've saved her. Someone could've done something . I could've done something had I been on patrol. It's just like that night all those years ago...when I came home late to have dinner with Keigo...and Shoto got burned. Once again...my own happiness is my greatest enemy...it always makes karma rear her head to reap whatever my mistakes have sown. I don't know what I did. I just...want to forget.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"I'm coming in," Keigo announces, and I hear the lock break and the door creak open.
"Jeez, it smells like burning trash in here," He grimaces, and I hear the crunch of cans and plastic bags as he tries to step over them but to no avail.
"That's what I fucking feel like," I groan, falling onto my side as he makes his way down the steps all the way to the wraparound couch that I'd pushed in front of the gigantic movie theatre screen.
"You gotta get up, man," Keigo frowns, standing in front of me and blocking my view. I stare right through him.
"I know," I mutter, not moving.
YOU ARE READING
PHOENIX: A Pro Hero Toya Todoroki AU
FanfictionFor most of his life, Toya Todoroki was a loner. He was a scrawny, broody kid only known for getting in an explosive fight that led to him being held back. That is...until he met Keigo Takami. Navigating love, his own demons, and the road to becomin...
