𝐂𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋

✁ CHAPTER 17

I walk up the empty stairs of my apartment to stop by Miss Terry's.

I looked at the beautiful indoor plant I always stop by to admire but today it felt like it was nothing that special to stop and watch.

I sighed and turned toward my flat.

I open the lock and walk inside the dark room.

When I switched on the lights in my living room I saw the open suitcase I was packing yesterday.

"The Christmas Trip"

I gasped shutting my eyes.

I dump my body in the corner of the sofa.

I close my eyes to think and Carter's face came flashing in my mind and I sat up on the sofa with a twisting sensation in my stomach.

Is this for real?

Why is it not striking me like a metal ball? Why can't I jump up and down thinking of Carter, thinking that I finally found him and that now I have a way to help him back? Why can't I feel the shock in my head that Carter is the man I have been searching for all these years? Why can't I just get a break from this already?

I groan in frustration.

Maybe I know why.

Because I never wanted that man to be Carter. I never wanted that man to suffer so brutally like Carter has been suffering.

I am scared of one more thing.

What if he was injured for the first time in the car crash before the game day like Dr. Zain suggested the other day?

I felt my eyes tearing up and I embraced myself.

No...

Am I responsible for his condition? Has he been suffering because of me and my carelessness?

I stand up involuntarily, my hands reaching my mouth to prevent the prolonged gasp.

I can't breathe.

This is bad. This is so bad.

I-

I am responsible for all of this.

I race around the room mumbling to myself, fear and guilt gripping over me.

Tears keep falling down my cheeks nonstop and I can't seem to care any less.

I sit on the floor.

I pull my knees to my chest, eyeing the floor widely.

How can I ever look him in the eye again?

Will he hate me when he finds out?

NO

I stand up whipping my wet cheeks and walk inside my bedroom.

I will do everything to make it up to him.

Carter, I am so sorry.

I wish I could tell him on his face but I can't. I am a coward.

I was so close to curing him but when he gets his memory back, will he regret saving my life that day?

A tear leaves my swollen eyes, again.

I slip inside my blanket with an empty stomach.

I was considering fleeing away from here for a while before I heard my heart say, you saved me that day so selflessly.

I sit up on the bed, looking out of the window in front.

The voice inside me that suddenly turned so calm speaks again, life has finally given me a chance to save you from your nightmare. How can I step back now?