On Purpose

~1~

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. It's no use pretending as if I didn't see this coming. In that moment, a wave of realization washed over me. The signs had been there all along, subtly hinting at the inevitable outcome. Yet, I had chosen to ignore them, hoping against hope that things would turn out differently.
No expression needed, I look at her. Not twelve feet away, she stands ahead of me. She appears scared, as if I'm going to yell or hurt her, just like she hurt me.
I stand up from her couch and put my hands in the pockets of my warm black hoodie.
"If that's all, I'll be leaving now." My tone was low and hard, like I was already crying before she dumped me.
"Oliver, let's talk about it." Her pleading tone further intensified my anger for her and this whole stupid situation we're in.
"You just broke up with me, what else is there to say?" Although I was angry, I tried my best to be calm and composed.
She hugs herself like she needs comfort, but she's the one tearing my heart apart.
"I really wanted us to be together, you're just so..." She stops talking, I wait for a response, it's the least she could give me.
"I don't know, you don't do anything. I thought being in a relationship would mean kissing and hugging, you don't even call me babe." She's gonna dump me on Christmas just 'cause I don't give her lame pet names?
"Okay, can I go now?" I said it like it was no big deal, but it actually is. My girlfriend of three months dumped me. It's not long enough to make me cry, I don't know if that's what she was expecting me to do, but I don't.
"Oliver-" I raised my eyebrows, pursed my lips, and let out a sigh of annoyance.
"Okay, you can go." She looks down and says nothing as I nod and walk to her door.
My dad once told me, when I was fourteen. "When you're leaving-no matter where you're leaving from-never, I mean never, look back. 'Cause you'll always come back to it in the end." While I grabbed the doorknob to my now ex-girlfriend's house, I thought about what I'd be looking back on. Her annoying talking loudly on the phone, her blow ups of anger over nothing. Was I willing to look back at that? The answer went along with me shutting the door behind me as I walked out.