On Purpose

~Before~

At the age of seventeen, I had convinced myself that I would end up alone. I would live in a large house by myself. I believed I would either die in bed or at work, and my father would pass away from old age.
Although I never explicitly shared these thoughts with my dad, I knew he was aware of them.
During a moment when he caught me doing laundry, something we both disliked, he said, "Go out and find yourself a girlfriend, Oliver."
My dad was good at acting, often pretending not to care or pay attention to me or anyone. However, he would occasionally surprise me.
"I know you ate a cupcake," he stated while I was simply watching TV. I had ate that cupcake three weeks prior to our conversation.
Confused, I replied, "Huh?"
"You thought I was asleep, but I was resting my eyes. I heard you in the kitchen. I never counted the cupcakes or checked the trash. I just knew because I offered you one and you said no."
I stared at him, speechless.
He continued, "I know you like sugar, so I knew you must have already helped yourself to a cupcake."
As I had mentioned earlier, he pays attention, albeit silently.
When he noticed my disappointment about not having a girlfriend, he sat on my bed and said, "Olly, listen, girls are great; they have nice breasts and big hearts, but you have to be cautious."
I wanted to inquire about his statement, but his words resonated with me so deeply that I let the question slip from my mind.
"Your mom was an amazing woman; she just wanted love."
"Love?" I questioned.
"She's dating an old high school friend."
That was when I discovered the reason behind my mom's departure. It wasn't because of me; her heart belonged to someone else.
My dad returned to the topic at hand, knowing that I had numerous unanswered questions, yet he was too afraid to address them.
"Sometimes, it's best to focus on what you truly want before you start dating."
For the first time in my life, my dad looked at me not only with his eyes but with his heart. He looked at me with everything he had when he asked, "What is it that you truly want, son?"