On Purpose

~Before~

My dad sat me down when I was eighteen, and finally talked to me about the thing.
I was embarrassed. In my eyes, I was an adult, why was he talking to me about the thing now? Lucky for him, I haven't done the thing yet. Mainly because I had eyes for our neighbor. She was single, but she was old enough to be my mom. If I ever did the thing, I wanted it to be with her, but then I found out she had the thing with my dad. And now they're dating. Her name is Christy. I never told my dad or her that I liked her, just thinking about it makes me gag in disgust.
I was embarrassed when my dad did hand symbols on how to do stuff with a female. I never saw my dad the same after that.
I was eighteen, he never taught me before, so of course I learned somewhere else.
So when he said, "I know this is hard for you, son, I wanted to explain earlier, but you're a man now." I looked uncomfortable the whole conversation. But I never told him the reason why I go to bed early was because I was learning about the thing the whole time.
I just pretend as if I didn't know what he was talking about. I showed him how surprised I was when he talked about making a baby and what needed to be done.
I shook my head in disbelief when he told me what a condom was really for. And at the end he said, "I can't believe they didn't teach you this in school."
When he got up and left to do whatever he wanted to do after reminding me what the thing was, the thing I watched on the internet almost every night, I covered my mouth with my fist and simply shook my head. Not only was I laughing at my dad for letting me find out about the thing on my own and waiting eighteen years to finally tell me. And at myself for knowing it before hand.
I was always so rough with doing everything; I love people hard, I snore hard (my dad's words) and the one I hate the most is how hard I fall and how easy it is.