I finally decided to go to the doctor and figure out how far long I am. Also had to ask some questions because i've been bleeding. I'm pregnant though.... I know it's possible for bleeding to happen, but I wanna be sure that it isn't anything wrong. Which I doubt because it's nothing seriously hurting me.
My name was called so I followed the lady to the back. She got me situated on the table as she read through the papers.
"Mmm, so you've been experiencing bleeding? Is it spotting or like your monthly?"
"It's kind of heavy." I sat nervously, trying to watch her face for any type of sign.
"Ok. I mean if you haven't experienced any pain along with it then I would say everything is fine. We have some women that may bleed heavily during the beginning of their pregnancy and it be nothing but that. But we'll still do some checking to be completely sure. It's very rare for bleeding like that to happen though."
"Ok...I was also wondering...I'm sure you all have my medical history on file. Based on that, would you say it's safe for me to give birth for the third time?"
"Uhhh, let me get the actual doctor to answer your concerns like that. I'm not able to give feedback."
"Ok, ok. Thank you."
She nodded before leaving and I sighed rubbing my forehead. Honestly, i've been feeling stressed out. With this pregnancy being on my mind and trying to keep the kids situated, I am going crazy. Marcilyn is out for winter break and I just....I don't know.
It seems so much harder now that she's older. Not even that much older but her mentality is.
I sat looking at my fingers waiting for the doctor. I'm not saying I would hope something happened, but I don't want conflict in my relationship over this. If I have to get rid of a child by the person I deeply love, i'm not sure how things will go. She obviously doesn't want me to.
And it's easy to say it's my choice, but it's her child too. She deserves some type of say so. I just want her to be on the same page as me.
"Hi, Maraj?" The doctor peeked her head in and I smiled small. It's the same woman as always. She saw it was me before coming in completely. "So what's goin on today girl?"
She got to reading the paper before nodding.
"Bleeding. Let's get that understood immediately. We don't need any complications with the way this body is set up." We chuckled and I laid back so she could check.
First she felt around, gently pushing my stomach. I let her do her, moving any way she told me to. My nerves are all over the place right now.
"Ok. Based on the ultrasound I see nothing wrong. This is just the beginning, you're about four weeks, so bleeding is okay. If it continues longer than this weekend, then come back. It really shouldn't go any further than two days but I see nothing wrong. How long has it been exactly?"
"Exactly two days."
"Oh! See. I say give it another day."
I nodded feeling a little weight come off of my shoulders. Well that's great.
"Now I heard you had concerns on how this pregnancy would affect you?"
"Yea. My history with it isn't the best and I...I nearly lost my life this recent time. And it hasn't even been a year and i'm pregnant again... Would that even be smart to go through with it?"
"Mmmm. I don't wanna yaknow, tell mothers to go for abortions. But in this case it's a huge risk. It's like a hit or miss. You could be fine with the normal postpartum lifestyle you have. Or you could do the opposite and be seriously hurt."
