"Onika I hate it happened but..." Dj sighed over the phone and I rolled my eyes. They're just saying the same thing, like okay. "And I understand why you go so hard for her. Stop. When she get the memo that no one is going hard for her, she'll tighten up. Let her see that she's alone, let her suffer a little. It may eat you up inside but it's best Nic. You can't keep tearing yourself down like this over someone that doesn't care. You got bigger fish to fry right now."
I bit at my lip while staring into space. It just hurts, that's all. I'll get over it but it's fresh so i'm still thinking about it. My heart aches. I said I would never give up on her, ever. And I did. Told her to her face that I was done. That hurts.
"Stop crying about it. I bet she not crying."
"I know." I sniffled wiping my face. My voice is horse from crying so much and I just feel myself getting sick. I've been telling myself to get up because it's a Monday, Lynn has school. It's just hard. I've been up all night, only slept for like 30 minutes.
Dj had called me early this morning and I had to tell him. He was trying to go visit Momma in the rehab later. No one else knew but me...The one who it hurt the most.
"The girls been asking about Marcilyn. Their birthday is coming up and i'm having a party at this jumping spot. Bring her."
"I will. If not me then Bey will."
"Nah I need you there."
"I'll try Dj."
"Alright, that's cool. Now get ya ass up and be there for my niece. Don't be sitting in no room crying over somebody that's not crying about you. I know that's our momma but...shit actions say otherwise. Call me later."
"Alright." I hung up and wiped my face. Just as I was about to get up, I heard small knocks on the door. Lynn is woke now. She came and crawled in the bed laying on my chest. "You hungry mama?"
"Mm hm." She wiped her eye and I sighed making myself get up. I grabbed my robe putting it on as well as my slippers. We went downstairs to the kitchen and I took out some eggs and the already made pancake mix.
I always premake it for the week so it won't take so long in the morning. Lynn crawled on the counter and plugged in the waffle maker while I turned on the stove.
They both had to heat up so I got her lunch together while it did. Just a lunchable today and some cut up fruit. Always an orange juice with some peanut butter crackers.
Usually she would have some extra shit but I really don't feel like actually making something for her lunch. I'm tired.
"It's hot Mommy." Lynn mumbled making me look at her. My eyes squinted because I know she didn't touch that.
"How you know it's hot?"
"I see the smoke." She pointed and I nodded. Oh okay. I remember one time she stuck her hand on it while I wasn't looking. Pissed me the hell off.
I made a couple of waffles for her and Bey then made some eggs. They love eggs so I made quite a few of them.
When everything was finished I made their plates and put Lynn at the table. She started to eat while I cleaned the kitchen up. It wasn't much since I clean as I cook.
"Just leave your plate when you're finished."
I went upstairs to get her clothes together because I didn't get them out for the week. Yesterday just threw me completely off from everything. Didn't even make Sunday dinner, we ate out. Well they did.
Once her clothes were out I got her backpack and checked if she had homework. I feel so off. All of this was supposed to be done over the weekend and I didn't even do it.
