The Medic

Beautiful unknown words

„The military catche me.
The structure and routines.
It was all I ever needed.
And I was damn good.
One of the best.
And with specialising as a medic I really found my way.
I was so happy.
I had no sorrows.
Yes I saw terrible things. But knowing I was helping. This was everything for me.

I had an excellent team.
They were my family.
I loved them so much.
Till the one day.
This one day they decided to turn their backs on me.

The mission went so well.
Quicker than expected and we managed to safe so many people.

But they decided to get bloody drunk.
And in their drunk and twisted minds they decided to let their intrusive thoughts win.
Apparently all of them had the opinion that women had only one good use.
They got their masks and catched me in the park.
They tried to rape me.

I fought for my life.
I managed to cause a big cut on James face and a big deep cut right across Vincent's chest.
I almost killed him.
I managed to run.

I knew it was them.
I recognised their voices.

The way Vincent called me Angel.

I could vomit at the thought.
I locked myself in my apartment.
Laying on the ground. Not able to move or speak for hours.
As I finally found myself back and went to the medics it was to late.
They had already been there.
They had already told everyone a fake story.

How I just leashed out on them and attacked them. How they only wanted to calm me down.
Four statements against mine.
I had no chance.

After a lot of talks and tests the only options that were left for me was either become a full time medic or change teams.

I couldn't go back.
I was terrified.
So I became a medic. In a base across the country to never see them again.
Because besides a 6 months off time they got no consequences.
Nothing.
And I am here.
Leashing out on the people I love."

König clenched onto the railing.
He knew what had happened but had never heard it in detail.
He regretted that he had not killed these guys as he had the chance to.

It followed silence.

„Oh Missy. I'm so sorry."

he could hear that Emma was crying.

„Listen Missy.
I know it's hard.
And we fully understand you.
But no one's mad.
We love you.
Really.
And I know Maxi does to. I have never seen him this happy and relaxed. You do something to him."

Clara's voice was calm but firm.

„But I don't deserve this. I don't deserve his love.
I don't deserve any of this"

„Oh shut up. You're such a good and kind person.
Yes you experienced bad things. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve this."

König hat enough.
He walked down the stairs and cleared his throat.

„Can I?"

He asked and they nodded.
They got up and went back in.
König sat down next to her.
She wasn't even looking at him.
He could see how she shivered.
She must be freezing.

„Come here"

He sighed and just pulled her on his lap.
Still no sound of her.

„Don't be so harsh on yourself, Maus.
Markus can be a bit over the top sometimes."

She sniffled slightly.

„Is he ok?"

„Yes of course. This idiot can endure a lot believe me"

„I'm so sorry. I really didn't wanted to.
Please don't hate me"

He sighed at her words.
His heart felt like breaking.

„Weist du.
Du verstehst kein Wort von dem was ich jetzt sage aber vielleicht ist das auch besser so.
Ich bereue es so sehr das ich immer so abweisend und herablassend zu dir war.
Das war nicht richtig.
Ich habe meine schlechten Erfahrungen und Launen an dir raus gelassen.
Dabei warst du immer da für mich.
Egal was für Schwachsinn wir auch gemacht haben.
Zu hören was dir alles passiert ist tut weh.
Vor allem weil du so eine unglaublich nette und freundliche Person bist.
Du bist mehr als wundervoll.
Und irgendwas an dir lässt mich nicht mehr los.
Ich habe so viele Gefühle für dich das ich platzen könnte.
Aber ich bin ein Feigling.
Du denkst du verdienst das alles nicht.
Dabei verdienst du so viel mehr.
Mehr als mich.
Derjenige der das alles nicht verdient bin ich.
Ich habe dich so ungerecht behandelt obwohl du so wundervoll bist.
Du bist die hübscheste Frau die ich je gesehen habe. Dein Lächeln macht mich einfach nur glücklich.
Deine Tränen brechen mein Herz.
Vielleicht habe ich irgendwann den Mut dir das so zu sagen das du es auch verstehst.
Aber noch kann ich es einfach nicht "

(You know.
You don't understand a word I'm saying, but maybe that's better.
I regret so much that I was always so dismissive and condescending to you.
That wasn't right.
I let out my bad experiences and moods on you.
You were always there for me.
No matter what nonsense we did.
Hearing about everything that happened to you hurts. Especially because you are such an incredibly nice and friendly person.
You are beyond wonderful.
And something about you won't let me go.
I have so many feelings for you that I could burst.
But I'm a coward.
You think you don't deserve any of this.
You deserve so much more.
More than me.
The one who doesn't deserve any of this is me.
I have treated you so unfairly even though you are so wonderful.
You are the prettiest woman I have ever seen.
Your smile just makes me happy.
Your tears break my heart.
Maybe at some point I'll have the courage to tell you this in a way that you'll understand. But I just can't do it yet)

He slowly caressed her hair and sighed.

„I don't know what you said but it sounded nice"

she mumbled.

„Maybe some day I'll tell you Maus.
But for now just know that no one's mad.
They all love you so much.
It's not your fault.
It will never be.
I promise.
I know I never say this but you are a good person."

„Thank you Max"

„Nah still not used to you calling me this"

he chuckled.
She smiled slightly.

„Any suggestions what I should call you?
I don't know any German nicknames"

„That's up to you Maus. The most common one would be Schatz."

„And what does that mean?"

She looked up to him.
Her glassy eyes looked strangely beautiful.

„Something like treasure"

he said low.

„That's so beautiful"

she smiled.
He smiled slightly back.
He wanted to hold her forever.
Keep her safe.