Nikolas

CHAPTER THIRTY

I return back to school the next day, my education being too important for me to take a break from due to mental health. It was honestly easy to do, since that's all I've been doing. My mental health doesn't matter when my future is on the line. 

I've always prioritized my education. Honestly, I take it way too seriously. I knew that. But in order to cut off all ties with Jonas and my mother later on, I would need to be able to support myself. Which education paved a clear path for. Plus, senior year was almost over, only a couple of months left. So that only meant I needed to push a little bit more and get into university. Then I'll be fine.

I already started applying to colleges that were out of state, needing to get out of here as soon as possible. And now that I have Cairo Prep in my educational history, I have a little advantage in getting into good schools. I would take Summer and I out of here. The only big issues were the financial ones. Not only would I need to support myself, I would need to be responsible for Summer. There was no way I'd leave her here with Jonas.

One thing that I knew I needed to do was getting rid of Jonas. And though the idea of him being gone forever was appealing, I knew that it'd be too messy and that I didn't have the time or energy to do that. I had to get into university, take care of Summer and live life, something that was stripped away from me. 

I tried pushing the worry of money out of my brain, knowing that I wasn't making enough as a waitress, but it was impossible. I've missed a few days of work, which sent me into a fit of panic every time I thought about it, but I convinced myself I'd make up for it by doing double shifts.

I told Summer to stay the night at Aubrey's again so that I could work my ass off tonight and tomorrow night. I wouldn't have to go home for a while. I spent last night at Lola's house since she didn't need to go to her dorm, so I was spared seeing Jonas for a while. I prayed that something would happen to him, maybe a car crash, that would get rid of him.

I ignored the stares at my swollen face as I walk through the halls. It's normal to see people in this state after Flout but I wasn't in any of the fights. And even if people were in this state, they'd never dare to show up to school in this state. I forget how physical appearance matters more than anything in this school. 

I didn't bother trying to hide it, I was honestly just tired. Too tired to even try. I barely even looked in the mirror this morning, so I don't even want to imagine what I looked like.

If this were a few weeks ago, I wouldn't ever show up with visible bruising, but now, it's clear that the teachers don't give a shit. Well, there are good ones who were actually here to teach children about how God cared, but they couldn't speak up knowing the family's that could afford to send their children here had enough money to cover up murder, so it'd be easy getting away with beating their kids.

Not only was I terrified before of Jonas finding out I snitched, but I tried so hard to cover up before was because of Nikolas. I was scared of him finding out and looking at me differently. Though it was an irrational fear since I've seen him at his worsts as well, I just didn't want to expose him to this side of my life. But he already saw me yesterday, looking worse than I do now, so I just don't care anymore.

I could practically feel the chilling glare Vivianne sent everyone as they stared at me a second too long. As much as I wanted to give her a big fat kiss for it, it was a little humbling. I couldn't even stand up for myself. I've just normalized being looked down upon and started to ignore the heavy feeling in my gut resembling shame.

Kids are scary as hell. The way their beady little eyes dig into my soul. Who knows what their thinking of me?

But I couldn't care less, I had bigger problems. BIgger problems that don't include judgy teenagers. I needed to focus on myself, or else I'd be so caught up into other people's business it would be impossible for me to evolve and leave the world behind.