Living After Abortion (Adopted by Jennifer Lawrence Fanfic)

(28) Past School Experiences and Arguments

••Maddie's POV••

The next day went by fast--super fast.

It could be because I wanted it to go by slow and fate was not in my hands.

I'll never know.

So here I am Sunday night, 8:00 p.m. sitting on my bed and biting my fingernails.

In exactly twelve hours I'll be at my new school.

All I really want to do is curl up on the couch with Jen and Gemma.

All I want to do is forget about tomorrow.

I sigh and close my eyes.

I called Jen two times and left a voicemail for each. She hasn't called me back and it worries me, because I really need to talk to her.

I really need to hear her voice and for her to tell me it's all going to be okay.

I feel a few tears slide down my face. I'm trying not to stress--doctors orders and all, but it's hard. Especially when Jen isn't around.

I don't know if I can do this--school, I mean.

I never really had any friends at school, because well--I'm different. Deformed. Whatever you want to call it.

That's all I ever heard about at school, how different I am. Kids are cruel.

I've grown--not physically, but mentally these past few months staying with Jen.

I've emotionally grown into a happier person, where I try to understand other people's points of views. Where they're coming from when they ask what happened to my arm. How I look in their eyes.

I remember once last school year, (I was living with the Morrisons then,) the 'popular' group of girls invited me to sit at their lunch table.

At first they were really nice--like super nice. I had been at that particular school for about three months by then and they had never really paid that much attention to me. Nobody really had, I guess.

Then all of a sudden, they invite me over to their table? I should've known, but I thought I was finally going to make some friends.

I sat down and they talked to me for about five minutes, then they started asking me personal questions I didn't really want to answer. I guess I answered them anyway because... y'know... friends! After that they started insulting me. I thought it was the friendly kind of insult, like calling people dumb or stupid but saying it jokingly. Soon, it was full-on bullying. I remember one sentence very clearly.

This girl, Karen asked me, "So why is your arm messed up?"

Another girl gasped and said, "Karen, you can't just ask people why they're deformed!"

Then the whole table was laughing and high-fiving each other with their expensive, manicured nails.

I remember my vision started to blur.

This girl named Elyssa, the 'queen bee', put her hand on my shoulder and said in a kind voice, "You may think you're normal, but you're not. You're an aborted freak. No one will ever want you." She smiled a gorgeous smile, but I could see the hate in her eyes. Pure hatred. They all knew I was almost aborted, but yet they asked what happened to me anyways out of pure spite.

That's when the bell rang and they all got up and walked away laughing.

I ended up going to the nurse and complained about an upset stomach, she sent me home.

That wasn't the only time I got bullied though. I remembered many times other groups would make fun of me or people would knock my books out of my hands in the hallways.

I shuddered at the memory of it all and took a deep breath. I don't know if I can go through another school year like that.

Earlier I looked up online homeschooling programs and there are some really great ones out there. I could do school and travel with Jen at the same time! All I have to do is convince Jen...

My phone started to vibrate and I jumped up when I saw Jen's name appear on the screen.

"Hey." I answered nervously.

"Hey Madds, are you excited about your first day at your new school?" She practically screamed.

"Uh," my breath staggered, "Not really. I'm still really nervous."

"I know...it'll be okay though." She sounded upset, "I have some news."

My heart beat started to quicken, "Um okay, what is it?"

She sighed, "Francis told the cast today that some of the scenes we already shot were accidentally deleted. He also said we will be doing more interviews than expected here in Hawaii after we finish shooting. I'll be here much longer than I intended. A month and half longer." She got quieter, "I'm sorry."

I stayed silent as tears started to form.

After about a minute Jen spoke up, "Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?" I sounded angry, because well I was angry. This isn't fair!

"Maddie..." She started.

"No. Don't even start. This isn't fair!" I felt my blood boil, "I bet you're glad you're in Hawaii! I'm such a burden. You're probably happy to be separated from me!"

"Maddie--" her voice cracked.

"You know what?" I cut her off again, "I'll see you in a month and a half."

I hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed, then it flopped off onto the hard wood floor.

I heard it shatter and I quickly picked it up to see cracks all over it.

"Great." I said and then started to cry--that's an understatement, I sobbed.

I wasn't upset about my phone, but about how I just treated Jen. All she's done is taken me in and given me everything I've ever wanted--ever needed. All she's done is love me. Then I go and treat her like crap. I didn't even get to ask her about homeschooling.

I shouldn't have yelled at her, but I miss her. I just want her to come home--or me go there. I don't care anymore, as long as we're together.

My phone started to vibrate again and I could faintly see Josh's name on the broken screen.

"Hello?" I sniffed.

"Madison?" Josh sounded mad, real mad.

"Uh--yeah?" I calmed down a little, wondering what was wrong with him.

"How dare you say those things to Jen." Was all he said.

"I--" I started, but stopped short once I realized I had nothing to say.

"She loves you Madison," He took a deep breath, "this is really hard on her too."

I ended the call--not wanting to hear it. Mainly because I knew Jen loved me and I felt bad for what I said, but I can't say sorry. Not now.

I looked at the clock again and it read nine fifty-seven. I had spent nearly two hours thinking about my past school experiences and about Jen.

Tomorrow is school.

Tomorrow, I die.

Hopefully not, but you get the point.

••AUTHORS NOTE••

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