Living After Abortion (Adopted by Jennifer Lawrence Fanfic)

(13) Numbness

••Maddie's POV••

I wake up to Willows breathing right beside me. She slept over last night, mainly because I was scared of...Nicholas. She didn't know that was the reason though.

I texted Jen last night, asking if she could stay, because I was a little scared to go downstairs.

I've never seen a horror movie before, but I imagine the way I felt on edge, like I wasn't safe in my own home, is one of the feelings that comes with it.

I mean, being threatened by my moms boyfriend--or whatever he is to her. Now that's some serious cheese balls.

I was a little suspicious of his attitude the first night I met him, he seemed like he was hiding something. I don't know, I wasn't sure at the time. Now I'm positive. This guy has problems.

Willow moved over and looked at me.

"Morning." I say with a smirk, then I hit her upside the head with a pillow.

"Hey!" She did the same to me, "Morning. " She said giggling.

I stood up and stretched, then I went to my computer to check People Magazine. Yes, I may be the daughter of the famous award winning actress, Jennifer Lawrence, but I'm also a girl. And everybody knows, girls like magazines.

Willow and I laugh at some articles and don't read the ones that have headlines like, "Man tortures dog in Russia!"

Eventually we get hungry and head downstairs to find something to eat.

Jen's not in sight--neither is Nicholas--hopefully he went home last night.

Willow looked at me like she was thinking the same thing.

We attempted to make pancakes, but all we really did was make a huge mess and burn the pancakes a little.

When we were almost done eating, Jen came in and said, "Maddie, Patricia just called. You have an interview at eleven. " She yawned and picked up an orange.

"Who with?" I put a mouthful of pancakes in my mouth.

"I think Kelly Ripa?" She closes her eyes. "I'm pretty sure. "

"Your going to have an interview with Kelly!" Willow jumps up screaming. "She's so much fun!"

I look at Jen who just smiles, I smile back.

It's crazy to think just a few months ago I was sure I would never have a real family. Now I have the best one I could ever ask for. It may be small, just Jen and I, but it's my family and I love it.

***

Right now I'm backstage, waiting until it's my turn to go on.

All these people are around me asking if I want water, food, even one lady asked me if I wanted a back massage. I turned her down and now it's just me, sitting in a really comfy chair.

I told Jen she didn't have to wait backstage with me, because I would want to have her in the audience. At least I would know one familiar face out of the five hundred that would be staring at me.

A lady comes up to me, "You're on in five. " She holds up her neatly manicured hand, "You can go wait over there. " She points to a curtain.

I walk over and examine my outfit.

I came here in jean shorts and a hipster tank top that said, 'I Speak Fluent Sarcasm'. I looked like me, but now I look like a completely different person. I'm wearing like five pounds of make-up.

Don't get me wrong, Alissa, the makeup artist did a great job...I just don't like makeup.

I breath.

"We're on in five, four, three, two." I hear someone call out.

About twenty seconds go by, Kelly giving an introduction. "Please give a warm welcome to Maddie Lawrence!" I heard my name being yelled.

I walk out repeating in my head, right, left, right, left.

Kelly gives me a big hug and then we sit down. "Thanks for joining us today, I know it was a little last minute. "

I smile, "Oh no problem, it's an honor to be here." I touch my beach waved hair.

"So tell us what you've been working on." She crosses her legs.

"Well I just recently finished filming an episode on Law and Order SVU and I'll soon be filming a biography. " I immediately search for Jen, wondering if that was a good answer. I find her in the front row and see that she's smiling so I guess it was fine.

"Would you like to tell us more about this biography?" She leans forward.

"Yeah, " I clear my throat, "It's gonna be about my life from the start. In the beginning of the movie it's not going to be me, it's going to be a baby, but later when it's more recent, I'm going to be playing the role of, well--"

"You?" Everyone laughs and I join.

"Yeah. " I say with a smile.

I watch Kelly's face become more serious, "Now recently, you were asked a question--if you were mad at your birth mother. "

I nod my head, becoming serious myself. I peek a look at Jen and see that she looks kinda worried. For me or my answer?

"Yes--I was. " I hear myself saying.

"Do you have an answer?" She looks at me, with a solemn face.

"It's not that simple." I'm unaware of where this is coming from, "I almost died. "

"Yes," she stares deep into my eyes, "I understand. " She leans forward and whispers, "We don't have to talk about this, if you don't want to. "

You may think I'm crazy, or weird for making such a big deal out of this simple little question. A question that only has to have a one word answer. To me though, it's much more than that. It's digging deep into the core of who I am. It's showing others who I am.

I look over to Jen, and give a small smile, "It's okay. I can answer. "

I start talking before I even realize it, "When I was younger, I was told that I wasn't wanted from the beginning. Nobody necessary said that, but I knew it was true once I grew older. " I look at the audience, "You ask me if I'm mad that my mother tried to abort me--here's my answer. "

I clear my throat, "I get why she wanted an abortion. She had plans. She was in high school, too young to have a kid. I get that. " I look at Jen, "But if your going to do the crime, you have to do the time. Even if that time was for nine months. It would have been over with. Yeah, she probably would've had a hard time in school. People making fun of her, for being pregnant and all. "

I take a deep breath, "We live in a country where we all have a choice. People choose to do this, to do that. What about my choice? " I look at my left arm, "I didn't choose this. Somebody chose this for me. "

I pause and begin again, "I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm not mad at her. For wanting the abortion, I mean. But I will never be able to understand how she could do it. How she could go through with it. "

She nods, "That's a very--extremely good way to put it. Thank you, that's all we have time for today. "

I'm escorted off the stage. People backstage stare at me as I walk past them.

Soon Jen walks towards me and I run to her and bury my face into her neck. "You did great. " She says softly, but all I feel is numbness.

••AUTHORS NOTE••

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