CHAPTER-20 DILEMMA

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When he woke up in the morning after Tara's call he processes last night incidence in his mind. Oh shit, how did I...., Arghh, he let out a frustrated sigh as he remembered how he touched Tara last night when she stopped him. How am I going to face her? I will go straight to office without meeting her. No....no..no I'll just say goodbye to her and leave. Hmm..., he was murmuring to himself.



I'm leaving, he said entering her place. Wait... breakfast, Tara said handing him a plate. no, I'll eat in my office, I'm getting late. If you are ready, come, I will drop you off, he said while checking something in his phone. Okay okay, you get the car, I am just coming, she said storming towards the kitchen.

Vidha, she shook Vidha. Hmmm, Vidha said in her sleepy voice. I am leaving, whenever you eat, reheat the breakfast, she said quickly before storming out of the room.

Tara, what did you take so long, as soon as she stepped into the car, a stern voice of Aalekh greeted Tara. sorry... sorry... sorry..., Tara said while doing something in her bag. Tara handed him Aalu paratha roll while he was driving. Hmm, he smiled. Without saying anything, just being themselves, the embarrassment he had been feeling since waking up was vanished. If you are free, we can go for shopping on Sunday. Vidha is also getting bored by staying at home all the time, Tara said as the tension is quite visible in his behaviour since morning. Tara assumed it might be because he would have to re-live 10 years of his life all over again while sharing his past. So just having fun or in another word 'distraction' will help him to get back to normal. Hmm, he smiles which is not his genuine but he is trying to reciprocate her efforts to make him feel at ease.

Bye, take care, she said pressing his hand which was on the gear before getting down from the car. My Tara, he mumbled with a genuine and most beautiful smile seeing her entering the bakery. This is the first time he was calling someone 'my'. Something changed in his heart since last night. For the first time, he shared his sorrows with someone. For the first time, he did something intimate with someone, out of love, out of dependence. But Tara wasn't just someone for him, these 2 years of them being with each other's side made him realise his heart's strong feeling towards her. Love isn't the thing which can be happened in a specific moment, it is a continuous efforts and process. Last night's intimacy just gave the courage to move further in this feeling and relation. He wanted to vocalize his feelings now and want to hear her as well.



Vidha what did doctor say, Tara asked her while entering her room. Vidha had an appointment with her doctor. Yeh, it's better now, she said lost somewhere. What happened Vidha, Tara saw a reflection of some kind of helplessness for few seconds before Vidha could composed herself and put a smile on her face. Nothing, I was getting bored, Vidha whined. Tara didn't convince but also didn't push her further. Come, let's make something good and then we will play carrom, Vidha nodded with a bright smile as she loves to play the game.

Tara, today I got a call from Maa, Vidha said referring Gauri. Hmm, Tara hummed while flipping the chapati in gas stove. They plan to have a reunion of all the children of Aashray next weekend, Tara noticed the nervousness in her voice. And she invited us there, her voice was uncertain. Woh, that's awesome, Tara said with a bright smile as she thought they must have been missing each other. Is there any special occasion?, Tara asked. Vidha shook her head, you know naah, Shekhar Uncle's health is deteriorating day by day and he just wants to see everyone before...umm.., she couldn't say further. Tara hugged her tightly. But that's not the only thing bothering you. You can share anything with me, you know right, Tara said slightly pressing her hand. I know, I just can't...., Vidha halted by the doorbell. We'll talk about it later, after dinner. Go open the door, Tara said patting her shoulder. 

Tara picked up her phone and called Aalekh to ask about his whereabouts and asked him to come to her place for dinner as he was not completely fine but he said that he had dinner with some client.

Who was it?, Tara asked as Vidha came to kitchen. This... How does this look?, Vidha asked and Tara turned to her. Woh, that looks good, Vidha had ordered sunglasses online.



White or black, Tara asked as the girls set the carrom coins to start the game. White, Vidha said excitedly like a kid. So, what is bothering you?, Tara asked taking aim as there were only 3 black and 2 white carrom coins and the queen on the carrom board. Umm, I don't want to attend the get together, Tara missed the goal. reason?, Tara asked while passing her the striker. Vidha paused for a second and focused again on pocketing the coin. Yeh, the queen will be mine only!, Vidha said she had only one white coin in the board other than queen. Reson?, Tara repeated her question while Vidha was aiming for the queen. Zain, she said while missing the queen. Hmm, Tara encouraged her to speak further. We were best friends since I remember. He wanted to join the Indian Army, so he was preparing for the NDA (National Defense Academy) exam during our schooling and he did it, he cleared the exam. Tara pockets the coin and gestures Vidha to pass the striker. He was very happy to get his result that day. We had party, watched movies and even went to the park, Vidha said while passing the striker to Tara. He promised me before going on training that wherever he is, he will always be my best friend and we will meet every year when he gets holidays he will come to me, both the girls were no longer in the game. He went to NDA Pune for first 3 years and then IMA Dehradun for 1 year training. We were in touch, though we didn't talk much but still we were happy to be each other's side. B....but after his posting he changed himself, he changed us, Vidha let out a deep sigh and Tara was quietly listening to her.

I had been constantly asking him about his holidays but he broke his promise he didn't get back to me, he was the only friend of mine and he left me all alone, Vidha cried covering her face with her both palms. Tara sat down next to her and stroked her back to calm her down. Tara handed her a glass of water, when she found her a little calmer. 

He made new friends and just forgot me, she spoke further after a minute. He said that I should make new friends as well and I did but I didn't give his place to anyone. He was my best friend, I used to wait whole year for him to come back but he waved off me as if I never mattered to him. Gradually the constancy of our talking decreased and eventually we stopped talking. Then after a point I stopped contacting him and neither did he bothered. He sent messages on festivals out of courtesy and I did the same, Vidha said while tears were continously flowing from her eyes. Tara didn't say anything, she just hugged her.

Are you okay, Tara asked after a while. If you're not comfortable going there, well, give them a good excuse not to be there, Tara said and Vidha looked at her with those wide eyes. It is up to you whether you want to go there or not, but you should also make sure that you will not regret missing this one-time chance to meet all your friends, brothers and sisters together, Tara said softly. You should know if the joy of meeting them all in same place is more important or the hurt you get from one of your friends is more important, Tara said softly. Aah, that's I wonder, how could you not lecture me about right or wrong?, Vidha exclaimed dramatically and got a playful smack on back of her head from her friend.



Hii, did I keep you waiting long?, Tara asked after putting a tray with 2 cups and a bowl on the small wall between 2 balconies. Yes, but it's fine, he said while pulling his recline chair against the wall. Oh Moong Daal halwa, is there something special today?, he asked and took the first spoonful of halwa in his mouth and there his face immediately lit up. No, Vidha was little disturbed so we made this, she replied, he frowned but she shook her head to tell it's nothing. The only solution to a bad mood every time you have is food, he chuckled. See if mind isn't in the good state then at least stomach should get something good no, she replied and he laughed.



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