The Bang To My Sex (A Dan Avidan Fanfiction)

New Supplies For A New Chapter Of Life

I was scared awake by my phone ringing right beside my ear. Answering it on the first ring, my "hello?" came out rushed and scared.

"Hey, you okay? What happened?" It was Arin.

I was breathing heavy, my hair sticking to my face from sweat.

"I-I'm okay. What's up?"

"Suz and I have a surprise for you. We're headed to your place in a bit." His voice could barely contain his excitement, like a kid opening presents on Christmas.

"Arin.." I sighed. "While I appreciate the thought, you know I hate surprises. Why can't you just tell me?"

He laughed. "Because that defeats the purpose of a surprise, duh! Just get dressed. Be there in an hour, gotta go, byyye!" He hung up.

I sighed again, rubbing my face with my hands. Trudging to the bathroom, I combed my hair, and brushed my teeth. Looking at myself in the mirror, I looked half decent for once. I guess having Dan talk me to sleep has been paying off. The dark circles under my eyes had faded, my skin was looking pretty clear, aside from a few scars from pimples I should have left alone years ago. My cheeks were still hollow, something I always hated about myself. No matter how much I tried to put weight on, eat healthier, take care of my body, stay hydrated, I always had a gaunt face. People used to compliment my cheekbones all the time. If they only knew..

Turning the light off and walking to my cloest, I picked out the first shirt I found and some leggings. Pulling out a navy blue sweater to go wear over top, just in case we went out. I wasn't sure if this was a staying at home or going out type thing, so I played it safe. 

As excited as I should be, I was a little annoyed. Surprises of any kind give me terrible anxiety, even if there's a heads up before hand. The uncertainty of it all makes my heart race, my hands sweat, and I've even passed out a few times from it. Arin knows this, but chose not to respect that. He's been there for one of my fainting incidents.

I understand why he's doing it though. He's been really sweet to me throughout this whole situation, him and Suzy both. They hate seeing me like this. They haven't seen me this bad off since my mom kicked me out, but even with how many years it's been, that feeling never goes away. 

It's hard to describe. You feel every emotion at once, but none at all. You're in so much pain, but so completely numb. You want to scream at the top of your lungs, but never want to speak again. And then over time, all that goes away, and you accept it. It never gets better, but you move on. A metaphorical string, plucked from a worn and neglected guitar. It still works, but it doesn't have a lot of strings left.

My train of thought was interrupted by a knock on the front door. My heart jumped into my throat. "Fuck, that wasn't an hour." I thought out loud.

Opening the door, my mouth dropped open. If it could unhinge and fall on the floor, I'd be picking it back up in that moment.

Arin was holding a set of Hamburg Premier Pro paintbrushes, rolled up in its own personal brush case.

Suzy was holding two 12 packs of Michael Harding oil paints, all in different colors.

I was at a loss for words. All that came out were sounds and stutters. "I-I-I.. Wh-wh.."

I moved to the side to let them in, and closed the door. They both held their gifts out to me, genuine smiles beaming from their faces.

I slowly reached out and carefully took them, treating them with the fragility of ancient pottery. I stared down at them in my hands.

"First of all.. thank you. Thank you. So much. I-I don't have words. Second of all.. why?! These are so expensive! Why'd you do this? Why.. why.. just why?!"

Looking up, I had tears in my eyes. I glanced between the two of them, grateful, but confused and sort of upset.

"Don't worry about how much it costs." Suzy said comfortingly.

"Yeah, consider it a tax write off." He laughed. "Consider it an early Christmas present actually. We were gonna wait to give it to you on Christmas, but it got here early, and your actual gift isn't here yet. We found something better, it was supposed to be here before the paint set, but we figured why not give you these now and let you get started?"

"That's so sweet! Wait.. actual gift? Y'all seriously didn't get me something else, did you? I'm gonna be so upset."

Suzy awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck, scrunching her face as she looked at Arin. He looked back at her with wide eyes. "Euuugh, I probably shouldn't have said that."

I sighed, setting the supplies down on the table.

"Look, Ellie."

Turning to look at him, I crossed my arms.

"As a bit of an artist myself, I understand working with limited materials, and I love seeing people create. I think it's really fucking cool that you paint, and I know you're long overdue for some new stuff. Leaving most of it behind had to have sucked major ass, and what you have now is probably drying out."

I didn't bother to correct him.

"Just enjoy the damn art supplies and stop pouting. You're making me feel bad." He laughed, showing he was joking.

I laughed too. "I really appreciate it. I'm actually scared to use them, I don't want to mess them up, but I'll make sure they're put to good use."

Suzy spoke up. "You better show us what you paint with those!"

I smiled. "I will, I will. Promise."

Holding my arms out, I pulled them both in for a hug. "Thank you." I said in a whispered tone. 

Suzy rubbed my back, and we stayed in a group hug for, on a normal bases would have seemed like too long, but it felt right in the moment.