MENDED

fifty-nine

alex

my whole body was tensed up. i was silent for a few seconds... or was it minutes? my hand shook as i kept my phone pressed to my ear. "mom?" i whispered.

"alex, baby," mom immediately replied back. "oh, thank god you answered."

she didn't deadname me... she called me alex. twice.

i pulled my phone away from my ear to look at the caller id, still in complete shock. my eyes scanned over the caller id, just to confirm that it read mother. i put my phone back to my ear, and i was silent for a moment.

"what do you want?" i finally managed to get out.

"me and your father want to see you. we think it would be best if you could come over, and we can talk about everything," she explained softly.

i couldn't stop myself from scoffing. "what, after almost two years? you want to talk about everything now?" i stood up, and i started to pace around the room.

"don't forget that it was you who cut us off," she reminded me.

"yeah, because you couldn't see me for who i am, and you wouldn't stop deadnaming and misgendering me every chance you got," i retaliated.

"which, if you give us the chance, we could talk about that," she let out a sigh as she spoke carefully. "we want to apologize in person. please."

so many emotions were running through me as i ran my hand through my hair. "fuck that, i don't want your apologies," i huffed before i could think it through. "hell, i'm not even in new york right now; i'm on tour. i can't come by."

"alex, please—" she was cut off as i ended the call and tossed my phone onto the couch.

i dropped my head into my hands, then held my hands behind my head as i continued to pace around the room. i wasn't expecting that call tonight, much less ever.

when i couldn't calm down and clear my head enough to think everything through, i stormed out of my green room. i walked down the hall, and when i reached saylor's green room, i knocked on the door.

i was quickly met by saylor opening the door. "hi, baby!" she greeted with a grin. she immediately stood on her tiptoes, hooked her arms around my neck, and pressed her lips to mine.

i kissed back for only a moment before i pulled away. she got off her tiptoes, and she looked up at me. she frowned, and she moved her hands to cup my face. "what's wrong?"

i placed a hand on her hip, and i gestured into the room with my head. so, we both walked in, and she closed the door behind us. we took a seat on the couch, where i immediately pulled my legs to my chest. i reached my hands up to push them into my hair.

before i could tangle my fingers into my hair though, saylor lifted her own hands to grab mine and interlace our fingers. she tilted her head, ready to listen intently to what i had to say. i gave a small, appreciative smile.

"so, you know how i told you that me and my parents haven't talked in almost two years? because they, uh... didn't really accept me?" i asked quietly.

she nodded, but didn't say anything, so that she wouldn't interrupt me. i continued.

"well, my mom just called... and she actually called me alex. you know, even though i've been out to my parents for seven years now, that's the first time she's ever called me by alex without having to be reminded first," i let out a bitter laugh. "but, uh.. she called to say that her and my dad want to talk about it all and apologize."