SUMMARY:
Ray- lonely, rich, alcoholic but gorgeous playboy meets Yok- financially strapped, talented artist and hot, handsome rebel accidentally one night while Yok is vandalizing the walls of Ray's old, abandoned mansion where his mother had di...
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RAY
The scare of loosing Yok had triggered my anxiety and I could feel myself getting more paranoid with thoughts that something like this will happen again if he is not within my sight, so I kept him close to me. He had wanted to go home but I had whined and beg until he gave in and stayed by my side. I'm back to being the middle schooler who lost his mother in a blink of an eye.
Finally unable to resist the desire, I gave in to Yok that Saturday and we made love the whole day and night. alternating between Slow and easy and then fast and hard. Despite his still slightly throbbing wounds, Yok won't let me stop or slow down. It's like he was making up for the whole week in one day. It was heaven like it always is making love with him and I finally acknowledged to myself that my feelings for the rebel just weren't the same anymore.
I clung to Yok tighter afraid of loosing him, almost wanting to make him a part of myself. As we pounded against each other, our heartbeats drumming rapidly and our grunts and moans echoing in the large confines of my room. My heart was whispering the words I was so afraid to give voice to, so I let my actions talk for me. I gripped Yok firmly as he showered my body with kisses and gave me toe curling pleasure over and over again, my nails painfully digging into his back as we both reach the summit together only to free fall holding on to the other's heated body. Smiling like two foolish kids after, all sweaty but not caring because we still want to be in cuddled in the other's arms like the world is ending tomorrow.
The next day, I woke up at noon to find the space on the bed where Yok usually slept empty with a still steaming cup of coffee on the bedside table and a note saying he will be back. He left before I woke up because he knows I will stop him from leaving and he needed to check on his mother and also the gang. My heart constricted painfully with fear, dreading that cursed phone call happening all over again. Knowing I can't keep living like this and that my behavior is bound to suffocate Yok if I don't stop. I am stopping him from living his life and I now it's wrong but my mind and all it's fuck up thoughts just won't let me be rational at all.
Too cowardly to deal with the anxiety and despair, like usual I picked up a glass of whiskey instead of the coffee Yok made for me and drank until I passed out. Waking up only when I felt Yok gently shaking me and by then the whole room was already dark.
"Ray! What the hell! Why are you sleeping on the floor? And you finished this whole bottle by yourself again?! Ray you promised me you'll tone it down," Yok is visibly upset to find me passed out on the floor, dressed in nothing but my boxers and a thin satin bathrobe.
"You took so long to come, I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to shut the noise in my head," I answered, groggily sitting up while still half drunk.
"Ray, I have been gone only half a day, we haven't left each other side for more than a week now. You do know this is very unhealthy, right? Not only for us but for you especially. Tell me what's going on in your head. Do we need to get help? Maybe we should," Yok said gently, pity is dripping in his gaze that I was immediately on a defensive mode, disdainful of that familiar look because I've seen that too many times in the eyes of everyone around me but never on Yok's.
