When the Dawn Breaks [TBAU]

☆ Chapter 30 ☆

TWs: blood and injury, panic attacks, and very mild eldritch grossness
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Impulse stared up at the front of his house, doing his best to take some deep breaths.

His house. His house? Oh, void above, what was wrong with him? Why had he let them convince him to build a house?

Looking at the structure just made him feel melancholy. There was so much there from the other hermits– detailing he'd gotten their advice on, blocks they'd donated, gardens they'd helped fill. There was so much that showed how the other hermits loved him. But why did they love him?

Wasn't he supposed to be unlovable? He hated leading them on like this. He'd convinced an entire village that he was a good person. Wow. Great work Impulse.

They cared about him. He wanted to cry. He was inevitably going to break their hearts. He was a demon, after all.

This was all so stupid. Impulse let out an angry huff under his breath, dropping down to sit on the house's front steps. He dragged a potted plant over to himself and wrapped his arms around it tightly. This one was a leafy red tulip, given to him by Tango. He played with the petals gingerly, chewing at the inside of his mouth.

He couldn't believe what he'd done, tricking the hermits into thinking he was one of them this whole time. That had to have been what he was doing, right? Trickery? Lying, just like always. His chest felt heavy with guilt.

How many of them had he tried to hurt already? Thought about hurting? Xisuma, Zedaph, Mumbo, Scar– so many of them. What happened when he inevitably did?

Impulse took a shuddery breath. No, he couldn't hurt them. Even if the hermits' love and trust was misplaced, his wasn't. He loved them. He couldn't hurt them.

He wouldn't. Impulse gave the potted flower a squeeze, putting it down again.

He'd find another way around his mission, he thought to himself as he pulled himself back to his feet. A bunch of the hermits were hanging out today down at the archery range and he'd already agreed to join them, so he ought to leave soon. Sure, he'd just be doing more of his oh-so-sickening trickery, but at least it would be a good distraction from all the other things on his mind.

Maybe if he could pretend to be part of this family for now, he could ignore the horrors looming in the future. The necessity to kill. The punishment if he didn't. Impulse didn't want to think about which one he'd prefer any longer. Did he want death, or a life lived in guilt and broken promises? Which was better?

Too big of a decision. Better to ignore it, Impulse decided.

The demon headed inside his– the house, quickly grabbing a bottle from the kitchen, and filling it with water to take with him. He tossed the cold bottle between his hands a couple times, almost re-considering the decision to go. Nah, it was just a small hangout, what could go wrong?

Worries set aside, Impulse made his way back outside and onto the village paths, starting down the route to the archery range. As he walked, he wondered about which other hermits might be there.

The get-together had been brought up to him on the last day of building the house. Tango and Zed had told him that a bunch of the hermits were going to hang out in a couple days, play some archery games, and have a good old time. He knew for certain that Gem, Scar, Stress, and Bdubs were going, but he wasn't sure how many others. He was sure it would be fun though, no matter how many hermits were there.

He always had the best time hanging out with the hermits, so he thought it would be nice to do as much with them as possible before... well, you know. Before the end of the month, when one way or the other, it would all be over.