Book boy

Chapter 18

Henry's POV

"Hi mama" I said to my mom as she stood in the kitchen. She looked at me and smiled "hi hun" I kissed her cheek and put my backpack down to help her with whatever she needs.

My dad left not so long ago and we're still not used to living without him. My mom used to only work morning shifts at the hospital and I didn't work as much as I do now but my dad leaving changed all of that.

My mom is barely home because she takes morning and night shifts at the hospital and I try to work as much as possible to help my mom.

And I know my mom is also in so much mental pain because she really loves my dad but he chose drugs over us.

He's been taking drugs for a while but one day he just left, leaving a poor written letter saying that he'll miss us and everything but all I heard was "I love drugs more than you and I'm never coming back"

Honestly, at this point I don't want him to come back to our lives because he was barely there even when he was there if that makes sense.

Maybe he didn't begin to get aggressive and physical but he put my mom through so much emotional abuse that I just don't want him to be in our lives anymore.

We're okay on our own. We don't need more problems.

"How is your girlfriend?" I frowned my eyebrows in confusion on what my mom said "you mean Amara?" Who else would it be, Henry?

"Yeah her. She's very pretty" my mom complimented. I laughed at the thought of Amara and me being together and looked down. She really is gorgeous.

"We're not together" my mom looked at me confused "why is that? She seems like she likes you" wait really? How much does she like me? How did you know? You barely talk to her but you still knew.

Does she really like me that much?

I wanted to ask all those questions but I didn't. I acted calm and as if my heart isn't going to jump out of my chest.

"I don't think she's good for me" then I remembered how she looked when I told her that she's going to make my life a mess if we get together.

I still stand by that but I could've said it in a nicer tone or worded it better.

I can't get how she looked moments after I said that out of my head.

It looked like someone took her heart and crushed it in a matter of seconds. I realized how much she actually liked me when I saw how crushed she was when I said what I said.

I want her too. I like her so fucking much but I'm so scared. I don't want history to repeat itself and have my heart broken to the point that l'll completely shut myself off from having any romantic relationships with anyone.

I know I'm doing this right now but l'm thinking of getting with someone after high school.

High school is way too harsh but I feel like when I go to college people will barely acknowledge my existence considering the many people that are going to be there which is exactly what I want.

I just missed being invisible and missed people just messing with me because I don't have friends or that I study all the time and not because l'm a "freak".

"Is it because of what happened last time?" My mom asked putting everything down and giving me her full attention. I rested back on the dining table in the kitchen and stayed quiet.

I went crying to my mom after the first day of them knowing I'm intersex.

I hated myself. I wanted to die.

"Baby you have to let people in your life. I know you're scared and that is so okay and understandable but it's okay if you get hurt, it's a part of growing up. Let's say you do break up with that beautiful girl, you'll cry and be sad but you'll be more aware and know what you did wrong or what she did wrong. There is nothing wrong with experimenting and falling in love"

"It's not embarrassing or pathetic to have strong feelings for someone and act up on them. It's a beautiful thing"

She's right. She's always right.

"What if it's too late for that?" It's been a week since what happened. I noticed that Amara was starting to be distant with me, probably because she's hurt and doesn't want to keep trying to talk to me like always.

It was nice when she came to talk to me at random times.

And yeah, Amara got a B minus on her exam. I couldn't be prouder of her

"You'll never know if it's too late unless you tell her how you feel" I scratched the back of my neck nervously "what if she moved on or something?"

My mom laughed and shook her head in disbelief "I don't think you know how much she likes you" how do you?

"How do you know how much she likes me?" I asked. I really want to know the answer to that "I just know"