Future. | Satoru Gojo

chapter 18

「 ✦ May 20th✦ 」

Today is the day that my future will be determined by some old hags.

My hands shake as I pour coffee into Gojo's mug. I have to pretend that today hasn't filled me with nerves the entire weekend. I decided against telling Gojo about my appointment with the higher- ups, I figure if things go south, I'll find him immediately. I woke up, got ready, got the kids ready, made breakfast, I did everything normally. Gojo and the kids are seated at the breakfast bar, and I can hear every noise they make.

"God dammit!" I screech. My shaky hands caused the fresh coffee to spill onto the side of my hand, scalding my skin. Gojo rushes from his chair and over to me. He grabs a towel from the counter and carefully wipes my hand. "Have you eaten yet?" Gojo asks me, noticing the shaking. I shake my head, and try to ignore the pain from the scorching hot coffee.

Gojo ushers me over to the breakfast bar, and helps me into the chair that was once his. "Are you okay, Mama?" Tsumiki asks, patting my arm gently. "Yes, dear. Only an accident." I say, putting on a smile to reassure her. Gojo places a full plate in front of me, and gives me a stern look. A look that is commanding me to eat something. "Thank you, love." I say calmly, picking up a fork and taking a small bite of eggs. I force myself to swallow the food, scared that it might come back up. There is not an ounce of appetite that I have in me, not today.

"Are you ready for school?" I change the subject, as I wipe my mouth with a napkin. I was able to take in a few bites, but I know that it won't stay down if I try and force it. Gojo stands in the kitchen with his arms crossed, staring at me, worry paints his face. I ignore it. "Yes, today we have art class! Teacher said we might even get to play with clay!" Tsumiki says, animating her statement with her hands. "That's exciting! Right, Megumi?" I ask the boy, who sits on the other side of me. He nods his head, he hasn't said a word since I spilled the coffee.

"Look at the time! We gotta get going!" I shout, checking the clock on the oven. I stand from the chair, not eager to proceed with the day, but ready to get all of this over with. The kids stand as well, and grab their backpacks which are seated on the couch. I walk into the kitchen, and grab their lunch boxes from the refrigerator. "Don't forget!" I say, smiling as I hold up the pink and blue containers. The kids walk to me, and take their lunches. Gojo walks from our bedroom, wearing a light jacket, and holding mine up. "Don't forget." He mimics me, only his tone isn't lively the way mine was, his was dry with a hint of worry.

The kids huddle into the front hallway, and Gojo opens the door for them. The building hallway is empty, per usual, but today the loneliness stings me. I take hold of the children's hands and walk in the middle of them. Gojo walks behind us, and I can feel the intense gaze of his eyeballs.

We make it to the sidewalk, and hike our usual ten minute walk towards the elementary school. Tsumiki points at every tree, every flower, every passerby, intrigued by the moving world around her. On the opposite side of me, Megumi walks quietly, listening to the sound of his sister's voice. We walk up the stairs of the school, and stop a few feet from the entryway.

"Here is good, Mom." Tsumiki says, letting go of my hand. Megumi squeezes my hand softly before letting it go, and then finds Tsumiki's hand. "Love you both! Have a good day!" I yell out to them, waving my hand. "Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!" Tsumiki yells back, waving her hand as well. Megumi doesn't look back, but I didn't expect him to. I watch as Megumi helps his sister open the door, and the pair enter the school.

I am startled by Gojo grabbing onto my hand, filling the emptiness that the children left. "What's wrong?" He asks, as we walk down the stairs. I look at him confused, but still wearing the fake smile that I have been putting on the entire morning. "What are you talking about, love?" I ask him, refusing to let my guard down. "Cut the shit. You're being weird." He says, lifting his sunglasses onto the top of his head. "I'm not, why would you think that?" I ask, disappointed that he sees through the fake cheerfulness I have been projecting.