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Post-watch review: The Barbie Movie (spoilers for Barbie)

I know the name of the movie is just 'Barbie', but I think it would be easier to recognize if I called it the Barbie movie.

Anyways, like I told you yesterday night, this movie made me SOB at the end. Like, a full-on breakdown. Thankfully, I was watching it with my family, so they had my back.

Did I understand what they meant by all that philosophical nonsense? No! I'm too young to understand, haha! But did I FUCKING CRY ANYWAYS?! Yes.

Anyway, the rest of the movie!

It started off pretty well, and I felt pretty bad for the Barbies, thinking they saved the world from sexism and that girls ruled the world and feminism had won the day. It is NOT like that here. The real world is very, VERY dominated by men, as it has been for millenia.

Also, the opening scene of the movie was weird. Did anyone else think so? I thought those girls were pretty violent, oh my gosh.

Barbie (the main one, the stereotypical one) is very fun and cute, and I love her! Is it safe to say I kinda had a crush on her? Yes.

And then there's Ken. Poor, poor Ken. My guy is HIGHLY unappreciated. By the Barbies? Yes. By the fandom of the movie? HELL NO. Ryan Gosling literally just got an Oscar for "I'm Just Ken", which was a good song, but if you were going to give an Oscar to anyone, GIVE IT TO FUCKING MARGOT ROBBIE, DUDE! LIKE, SHE WAS ROBBED, I TELL YOU. ROBBED. So was the director, Greta Gerwig. FANTASTIC ladies.

(Edit: I still think I'm Just Ken is a fantastic song, I listen to it all the time and have such an urge to just belt out the lyrics, but I do think that Margot and Greta deserved more recognition for their roles in making this movie.)

Anyways, to all of my Infinity Train watchers out there, who did Ken remind you of during the whole 'Kendom' thing? I don't know about you, but he reminded almost EXACTLY of Simon during 'The New Apex'. I'm telling you, my guy fit the role perfectly, and it's sad.

Anyway, Ken was great. Which Ken? Both Kens. The Ryan Gosling one and the Simu Liu one. I call him Rival Ken. It makes sense, doesn't it?

POOR FUCKING ALLAN, BRO. If you stan Allan and love him with all your heart, comment #Allanjustice. He deserved so much more than what he was given.

Actually, please don't comment that. I don't want my notifications to be blowing up immediately.

Sasha and her mom, Gloria! Sasha is an absolute bitch, and she would have made me want to both cry and punch her face irl. I hated her when I first saw her. And then I kinda grew to her because all of her outfits SLAY. Ariana Greenblatt looks FANTASTIC in all of the outfits they made her. Did they give the Oscar to the costume designer for Barbie? I hope they did.

*edit: they didn't. >:(

Gloria was a great character too, and her infamous speech she gives about women is so true. At that moment, I thought, "EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH needs to watch Barbie. They NEED to see this message so they know how oppressed us women are." Also, her outfits slay.

I would've shipped her with Barbie, but she has a husband. Big sad. There was SUCH sapphic potential.

One thing about the movie that is unapologetically true but something that made me also cringe is the objectification of women. After Barbie gets into the real world, EVERY man except Ken sees her as an object, another girl for them to harass. It's very brave that they decided to show that in a modern-day movie, and I'm glad they did, but I doubt any narcissistic assholes will see this movie and think anything wrong with the men's actions.

This eventually carries over to Barbieland, which disappoints me and makes me cringe EVEN MORE because these used to be fully capable, INDEPENDENT women. And now they're...you get the idea.

I love Barbie and Ken's relationship. At first, it's horrible, of course. But then, they actually turn into a real couple, going through fights and breakups, until they finally come to the point that Barbie was trying to make all along: that she doesn't love Ken. She doesn't see him that way. And I do kind of ship them because I think their dynamic is cute, but I like how they kept it like that. Like friends, you know? Since the beginning of time, since the CREATION of Barbie, Ken has ALWAYS been Barbie's boo. But now, she finally comes to the realization that...no. She doesn't like him like that. They're just friends, and Ken is Ken. He can be someone without Barbie. And I love that. Best relationship of 2023 say what?

Anyways, the movie was amazing, much, MUCH more than what I expected. In all aspects of the movie, I give it a 10/10.

Also, WHY WAS JOHN CENA A MERMAID??? DOES HE JUST NOT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO???

Thanks for reading, and have a good rest of your day!