Notorious

Catharsis

*EARLY UPDATE! So, make sure you've read the previous updates*

I always loved the rain. The calming pitter patter as it rolled down my window or pounded against my roof used to bring me an odd sense of serenity.

I loved how it could turn the sky from a cloudless blue into a mass of gray gloom in a second flat. It could be calming and sure, wild and ferocious, or as light as a breeze; so unobtrusive you almost don't realize it's there. A drumline to mundane life.

Rain is supposed to be a symbol of rebirth –of sins beings cleansed and washed away and starting anew.

But, I don't feel refreshed or calm as the rain softly pelts my skin and falls around me. No, it just becomes background noise to my rage as I hear the loud footsteps falling behind me.

"Aspen, wait!"

But, his words only make me walk faster and my heels click against the cobblestone as I fasten my pace. I'm almost shaking with rage, but more than that, more than the anger coursing through my veins -I feel an odd sense of betrayal from Harry's scathing words and I want nothing more than to turn around and strangle the curly haired bastard.

"Aspen, stop fucking running from me!"

And maybe it's because my hair has begun to stick to my face or because the liquor running through my veins is blurring the sidewalk in front of me, but I finally whip around to face him.

"God, Harry, what?! What more could you possibly want from me?!" I'm practically screaming and Harry stumbles back a few steps at my sudden outburst, but that does little to deter me, "Do you want to humiliate me some more? Maybe make fun of my appearance or, I don't know, laugh at the fact that my father left us when I was twelve?! Go right ahead and bring up another one of my insecurities. Do it Harry, because the damage has already been done."

My breaths are labored as I watch Harry tug at his unruly hair and begin to pace back and forth along the sidewalk. He seems to be waging some internal battle with himself and he looks utterly frustrated, with himself or me I can't tell.

I have no idea where I am or where I am going and the rain paired with the frigid night air has begun to chill me to the bone and Harry's words seem to be on replay in my head –mocking me.

Never have I ever had my own mother hate me.

"I didn't fucking mean that, okay?"

"Yeah, you seem to not mean a lot of the things you say." I scoff and turn on my heel to continue aimlessly walking the streets, hoping that he will leave me be, to no avail.

"Did you really lie before?" His breaths are ragged and his words are slightly slurred, but he still continues to follow me when I make a sharp left, "Did you fuck him? Louis?"

And I laugh. I actually whip around to laugh in his face because wow. This has to be a fucking joke.

But, my laughter is cut short as my rage takes over again when I begin to recall all of his back and forth behavior and the cruel things he says out of hurt. Because even now, with the rain making his blouse stick to his skin and his cheeks flushed and eyes wild, he still manages to make me weak in the knees.

And I hate him for it.

"Why do you even care Harry?! God, you are just so... so..."

"So, what, Aspen? What am I?" Now he begins to yell too and his emerald eyes are ablaze and his face is turning red and his curls are sticking to his cheeks and he looks way too fucking good right now and I hate him. I do.

"So fucking infuriating!" I scream loudly, and shove him as hard as I can, watching him stumble back a few steps in shock, "You act like such a child all the time! Jealous one second, insulting me the next. Yet, you still claim to have no feelings for me? So I'm, what, your little toy to play with when you please and then toss aside when I'm not needed?"