truth

Lost

(Shane)
Sooo... I'm alone today.
I don't need my crutches anymore, or anything like that, but occasionally I have to wear an air cast. Basically I have nothing to do today until she gets home, she being my beautiful baby girl.

She has her first day back to work, and she said she's working a six hour shift... I worry about her. She's still very tense around strangers, especially guys... She doesn't show it often, but sometimes she flinches... Alot, actually... It's usually not noticeable, but sometimes she has nightmares, or when she's upset I can't touch her... She's like a turtle. She can't stay out of her shell.

She's been having crazy mood swings too. One minute she's pissed off, the next she wants to stick her tounge down my throat, (not that I'm complaining.)

Over all? I would guess pregnant if she wasn't a virgin. But, she is. So I'm worried about her. I don't really care what the hell it is, I'm not leaving. I'm here no matter what, but she keeps telling me to leave and... It hurts. She honestly thinks I would leave her. She has never abandon ship when I was sinking. That's how I know this is love. She doesn't leave, I don't leave.

"Babe? Can we talk?" I heard her smooth voice call up the stairs, walking towards our room.
I smiled, remembering the first time I'd played asleep and pulled her into bed, and every time after.

"Yeah, sure." I hollered back, getting up and opening the door, shirtless.
It drove her crazy, just a little.

"what's up?" I laughed, watching her eyes dart between my face and my chest. She was lost, staring at me.

"I um... I missed you." she mumbled, kissing me softly before bringing me to the bed and sitting us both down.
"And I need to tell you something, but... You have to promise you won't be mad, deal?" she smiled guiltily at me, dropping her eyes.

I paused for a minute. She was scaring me a bit, but she looked so damn adorable. No matter what, I'll make it okay. It'll all be okay.

"What is it? Tell me anything." I whispered, giggling a bit. She faked a smile... She was getting good at pretending to be happy. It almost scared me. She never should have to fake being happy around me. She should smile because of me. Not fake it for me.

Her eyes finally met mine, and all I saw was... Fear. Dear God, what the hell is she always so afraid of?

"I met with the doctor today, and before you say anything, I want you to know I'm sorry for doing it without you... I just needed to do this alone... It was my battle. Not yours." she rubbed my chest, sitting us up and wrapping her arms around my neck.

I was seeing red, I was so pissed. She seriously thinks that's okay?She doesn't get it, does she? This isn't just her bull shit anymore. Hers is mine, and mine is hers. Problems have always been ours, together. How is it now different?

"Since when do we have 'our own battles'?" I screamed, jumping up to look at her in the eye. I was pissed. No, scratch that. I was BEYOND pissed. I could hardly see straight.

She finally got up, looking just as pissed off. I can't believe this.

"am I allowed to take care of myself? For once? I mean honestly, WHAT'S THE BIG FUCKING DEAL?!?!?! ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS FIX MYSELF FOR YOU!" She screamed, glaring at me before starting again.
"WE'RE NOT ONE PERSON, JUST FUCKING LEAVE IF THIS IS TO DAMN MUCH FOR YOU, PLEASE? I DON'T WANNA RUIN YOUR PERFECT LIFE FOR MY SAKE, OKAY?! JUST FUCKING GO!"

She really doesn't get it.
"I'M THE ONE FUCKING PERSON WHO EVER TOOK THE TIME TO TAKE CARE OF, LOVE, AND PROVIDE FOR YOU, AND I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW... How the hell could this just be nothing to you? I trust you... With everything. This is the one thing in my life that's normal. I fought for you, and instead of inviting me into your life and your troubles, you pushed me out and locked the door... I'm not your damn parents or James... Can't you see that? I'm never leaving... Ever." I quieted down a bit, looking at her for the first time with slightly calming emotions.

She just stared at me, looking guilty and ashamed... I'm such a fucking ass hat... She could have just found out a HUGE life change, and I'm being petty, worrying about this bull shit.

She had tears in her eyes, and it was almost to hard to handle, watching her hold them back. These tears had been held back from me for too long. It was heartbreaking.
##############################
(charlie)

He just said the last damn thing I wanted to hear... He might not be the best, but that was a low blow... James was honestly horrible, but sometimes... Just sometimes, he would make me feel so strong, and so good.

Don't get me wrong, so does shane, but sometimes he cuts so damn deep.
He says the one thing I didn't wanna hear, and the one thing I need to... And I hate it when he's right.

"Baby, I'm sorry." he whispered, reaching out for me.

I flinched back... I didn't mean too, but I could see the hurt in his eyes as soon as it happened. He truly got it... I was broken.

"I love you... I know, I just messed up. Big time. But I do love you. More than you know... But I can promise you, everything will be okay. When you're ready, I'll be here to take care of you..." he walked out, slamming the door before leaving.

Where the hell do we go from here?